VeryBritishProblems

It’s now less than two weeks until Christmas Day. Still got people to shop for? If there’s one person on your list who’s notoriously hard to buy for - someone who mostly just loves a good moan about things, and someone you don’t really want to spend a fortune on - then my book A Very British Christmas is perfect for them. It’ll keep them quietly chuckling until at least the 27th of December. Plus, it’s extremely easy to wrap (being a rectangle and all) 🎁

Someone just walked past me and said “nice and warm!” and I said “yes nice isn’t it?” Textbook interaction. Proud of that.

Fire up the barbecue!

When a Brit helps a friend to move house: Brit 1: “Where do you want this box?” Brit 2: “Just stick it anywhere for now” Duration: 8 hours. Payment: A pint.

“I had a quick flick through” Translation: No I didn’t read it at all.

@opento I’ll delete “Mums” and change it to “Dads” when I post it again on Father’s Day 👍

@SoVeryBritish Why aren't the dads doing it?

British Mums when they enter their teenage child’s bedroom on a weekend morning starter pack: -*doesn’t knock, enters the room at 90mph* -*rips open the curtains with remarkable force* -“Are you still in that bed?” -“And are you planning on getting up today?” -“Come on… UP!” -“You’ve had long enough” -*refers to the room/bed as a pit* -“It stinks in here” / “It’s a tip in here” -“You’re missing the day!” -“Breakfast is on the table and it’s getting cold” (even though it’s just cereal) -*aggressively hoovering the landing, occasionally hitting the door*

@carameleel Malt vinegar lives in the cupboard

@SoVeryBritish Except for the malt vinegar. It’s in the handy door pocket.

The highest shelf in the fridge is for jarred condiments. I hope we can all agree on this.

It’s almost warm today… as long as you keep moving.

I hear lawnmowers! Forget “meteorological” and “astronomical” - lawnmowers are the first real sign of spring.

“Any other time I would’ve loved to come along!” What I say to every single invite I receive.

Shoutout to everyone trying their best.

Ooh, I could get used to this!

Life is constantly saying “we can just put the chicken in the freezer and get a takeaway”

“You're very quiet” Thanks for saying this in front of everyone, really helps.

Accidentally inching forward a bit at the traffic lights, so the car to your side now thinks you've challenged them to a race.

It’s bright, sunny and quite warm, but raining a bit on and off, and quite cold when the sun goes in. I wish I had a “bright, sunny and quite warm, but raining a bit on and off, and quite cold when the sun goes in” coat… but I don’t.

@IlTiempoGigante @saleemsaimaa The equinox changes between the 19th and the 21st. Always has. A lot of people just believe the 21st is a fixed date and nobody has told them different 🤷‍♂️

@SoVeryBritish @saleemsaimaa I think that meteorological spring starts on Sunday. I've also been told that equinox is 21st of March and September. I don't know, so you tell me...

21st March, actually.

@kathy_farnboro @saleemsaimaa It did change (it always has, you can’t stop the earth spinning how it chooses to) but people just didn’t notice because we didn’t have the internet to tell us!

@SoVeryBritish @saleemsaimaa Never seemed to change when I was younger, always seemed to be my brother’s birthday of 21st March. 👍🏻

@CovidSolidarit1 Ah fair play soz

@SoVeryBritish No I meant I think of it as being the 21st, regardless of what date it actually is! So laughing at myself...

When do you consider to be the first day of Spring?☀️🌼