bitchmobile

@piper4freedom Lawn care festival!

@bitchmobile Yay!!! Hope you get into some trouble this weekend then 😂

Happy salt water sunrise

@PhillipAKennedy I’m going with a woman wearing a wide brimmed hat without a chin strap & anyone wearing sunglasses without a leash. The ocean collects those hats & sunglasses and spits them out for me to rescue at low tide.

10 Wild Things I Learned as an Ocean Lifeguard in College 🏖️🚩 10. If a guy’s wearing jean shorts, he definitely can’t swim. 9. At least one person every shift asks, “What time do the dolphins come out?” 8. Forehead abrasion? They might’ve just broken their neck. 7. Woman with hair in her face = probably drowning. 6. Missing kid? They walked away from the sun… and/or with the wind. 5. A loose umbrella cartwheeling down the beach is as dangerous as a rip current. 4. Adults on inner tubes are walking (floating) disasters. 3. Never, ever forget sunscreen on your feet. 2. Swimmer staring at the shoreline instead of the waves? They need help. 1. If a fat person is running down the beach… it’s an emergency. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve seen at the beach? Drop it below 👇 (lifeguards, I know you’ve got stories)

@piper4freedom Happy weekend off for me!

@bitchmobile Good morning 🥰

@MayoMonkey @TiffanyFong When you care enough to send the very best high fructose corn syrup

@TiffanyFong Because I care

this is all i can afford right now

@jmn781 @brockpierson Are they singing about bad ass Vegas ho’s?

@brockpierson "Big Shiny Tunes"

As 90's as it gets right here

@omgitswicks My wolf spiders have late night tap dance sessions in the hallway while they stare at me.

Living in Florida with Florida wolf spider #florida #floridian #omgitswicks #livinginflorida

@skenzyme @thevivafrei If any child can’t obey traffic laws they shouldn’t be allowed on the streets or out of the yard.

@bitchmobile @thevivafrei Tell me, if it’s reasonable to expect children to obey every stop sign (which were designed for cars) like regular drivers, why don’t we just let them drive cars? Since they’re so responsible and all. 🙄

I’ll stay here what I say to every kid I come across who is riding a scooter or a bicycle without a helmet… “HELMET!!!” My kids find this especially embarrassing when they’re in the car with me and I roll down the windows to do it!

@ChrisHollo637 @ZeekArkham My great grandmother had this poem

@ZeekArkham This is just total and complete insanity 🤦‍♂️ ahh yeah that would be hard pass for me, mother is one of the most beautiful words in the English language

Yeeeeaaaaahhhh… no. God bless all the mothers, the mother’s mothers, and every mother who has looked after another mother’s kids as if they were their own. You’re loved and appreciated. I’ll never stop calling you by that precious title, “mother.”

@Taznari @ZeekArkham I guess any woman who needs a hysterectomy just becomes nothing without the ability to gestate.

@ZeekArkham Is there anything more demeaning and dehumanizing than reducing motherhood to gestation? Other than reducing womanhood to having a uterus, that is.

@skenzyme @thevivafrei You’re brain damaged Sean. Did you get bonked on the noggin too many times?

@thevivafrei Note that when you yell from your car at a helmetless kid, you yourself aren’t wearing a helmet We trapped kids in suburban post-CRA defense in depth, miles from friends and school, and also made it ILLEGAL for them to use anything but the most DANGEROUS forms of transportation

@Leonard73714140 & Dearbornistan will have to stop mutilating their young girls with forced clitorectomies

@J_R_Sastre @ick_real Those Africans can gulp

@ick_real Can you swallow a 30 gram pill?

Can someone just invent a protein pill? I physically CANNOT eat 30g of protein a meal it’s just impossible

@navymig @HunterBiden Akkk hunter is a pile of pig feces.

@HunterBiden How much grace will you show your child and to all the underage girls on your laptop? GTFOH.

I’ve taken a lot of hits, and I’ve deserved some of them. I beat myself up over them more than you can imagine. But the grace people have shown me here is truly humbling. Some of the kindest words have come from the people you’d least expect. And for that I am so grateful. This isn’t about me. It’s about every person in recovery who shows up and tries again. And to everyone still in the fight tonight: you are not alone, I see you.

@TheBaconFather Zelda the puppy, afraid of the convertible

Poast dog

@ryantompkins_ @SteveInmanClips You’re an absolute fucktard ryan, stfu.

@SteveInmanClips This is actually murder. He never warned, nothing. Just pulled his gun and fired. If that’s a cop, he didn’t follow any protocol.

@navymig @cnnbrk Such a joke that they’re still in business

@cnnbrk "Baseless"? When will you ever try 'bias-less'? Continue making a mockery of yourselves.

The Justice Department has sent a prosecutor to observe Los Angeles ballot counting amid President Trump's baseless claims of Democratic "cheating." cnn.it/4dWGC1K

@J_R_Sastre @Explosive1A It’s a retard test.

@Explosive1A Ooh backwards.

Do you know what this is? Bonus points if you can tell what I did wrong.

@TheBaconFather Boop!

Some IDIOT didn't check his straps and say the line. Just watched him lose his paddle boards from his roof rack going over the intercoastal bridge 🫢😂

@AleksDaCreator @Just_ebube Lol she’s supposedly a medical student but doesn’t know that people with Down’s syndrome are the best humans.

@Just_ebube You're not choosing a Netflix special, no wonder you lunatics are being called "gestating parent" or "birthers". When you reduce the miraculous gift of life to a simple "choose to keep or kill" because of some chance of disability, you become the very thing you hate. A nuisance.

I’m a Christian; I know this may be unpopular, but if I found out a pregnancy had Down syndrome or another serious congenital abnormality, I would opt for an abortion. I have immense respect for parents raising children with special needs, but I also recognize that it's not a responsibility I see myself taking on. That's my personal choice.