Parody Stuart Andrew

Funny story earlier in the Cabinet Room. I had to quietly explain the concept of rules to Boris. Almost had to ask J-Mogg to translate into Latin. Didn't half ruffle my blue shiny suit, so it did.

Rishi, Rishi, Rishi 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻 If Dodgy Dave and Jimmy Dimly can get a broken deckchair, then surely I can secure a lifeline... for Pudsey, for summer galas, for Guiseley lights? #CabinetReshuffle #LordDaveOfPorkScatchings

BREAKING WIND: ME: Drinking a crisp Australian chardonnay while watching the footy in Sydney* PUDSEY: Suffering from #ToryBrokenBritain *no kangaroo testicles on the menu later

Unsure if this is now government policy? Well, after Big Dog and his promiscuous ways... 🐕💞👶🏼 #ToryBrokenBritain

BREAKING WIND: Tory implosion at triple by-election results. ME: Smiling today at my regular photo-opps, defending the outcome by saying the electorate are mostly stupid oiks. #ToryGaslighting

Another day, one more BORING constituent enquiry. The Illegal Migration Bill is being robustly defended by Bobby Generic in the HoC. I've been asked for my view? Get rid. But for the record, I've offered full use of the Leeds' navy in temporarily housing asylum seekers.

Richy knows things are difficult <snigger> As do I <double snigger> You've just got to hold your nerve. Simples. Tune in later for the full inflation cutting strategy on UnicornFM 🦄 #StrongAndStable #ToryGaslighting

I've been asked why I didn't vote this week at HoC. As a minister, I'm very busy. For example, yesterday, I attended @leedslibraries exhibition, ‘For King, Country and Home’. Mainly to explain why the Tory Party has repeatedly insulted the #Windrush generation. #ToryBritain

@ScottBentonMP A constituent recently suggested we should cease illegal behaviour in No.10 to free up police resources - thoughts?

@Richardhold @StuartAndrew But. When will I be famous?

@Richardhold @StuartAndrew ...I owe you nothing, nothing at all.

@Twoandfifty2 But I lie to my constituents every day. Lots of little white ones. It's all for your own benefit #ungrateful

Like many other constituents, I feel very let down by my MP Stuart Andrew who chose to abstain on the Privileges Committee Report If you cannot vote against a man who repeatedly lied to parliament, and hide by abstaining, you have no honesty and are a coward #StuartAndrew

@Rootveg As a Tory I'm so inept that it would end up spelling HOWARD!

@stuartandrew_mp Outstanding work Sir! I wonder what those lights will say this year? May I suggest .... "COWARD"

How did Stuart Andrew vote on the Boris Johnson privileges committee report, a vote to uphold the standards of Parliament and democracy itself? He couldn't be bothered to. Just let that sink in a while...... #stuartandrew #pudsey #horsforth

@robpatrick @StuartAndrew Unfortunately I had an urgent matter to resolve - an electrical wiring issue related to the Guiseley lights. Do you recognise that the switch on is less than 6 months away 💡

Morning Pudsey plebs! Thought I'd get ahead of the curve. Two things: 1. Richy is correctly saying at the time Gov wanted the inquiry to kick the can down the road, but it's now a HoC matter 🤔 2. Yes, I'll be voting to approve the report - no honours recognition, Boris 🖕🏻

Nothing. NOTHING! Can compare to the big turn on - not even that jumper. Or the brown buffet 🥖🧀🫓 🥧🍢 Gutted not to be recognised for my illuminating contribution during the BoJo years 😞

Correction: 3. An election winner

Morning Pudsey plebs! I've been inundated with constituency calls. Such inconveniences get in the way of my daily photo-opps. I need to clarify a few points why I support Boris. 1. He's awesome 2. Such energy 3. An erection sinner 4. Got Brexit Done #BorisTheLiar

@stuartandrew_mp The man has no self awareness does he!

Morning Pudsey Oiks! I'm back. Just been incredibly busy at events of late, where I've been photographed with [insert celebratory]. Great times! Anything happening today, let me know? #BigDogPutToSleep #BorisTheLiar