wurm

7 years ago I made Jenna Marbles laugh because I referred to Julien's mustache as a Lip Hat

feeling like killing my self so i’m gonna go flirt with my ex instead

having a crush sounds nice unfortunately i go insane whenever i do have one

They’re unveiling a new type of Pain and they’re forcing me to experience It as a test

pls moan louder i can still hear the voices in my head

there’s a dead lizard in my bank account

am i a freak or do i sexualize myself cause being lusted over is the closest i'll ever feel to being loved

why is it soo hard to find a guy who's a freak but also extremely sweet

for context:

@RWBB4U @Bonecondor @ratxgurl what about the white people who are all of those things?

@Bonecondor @ratxgurl Blacks used to drink Hennessy for status (now it's Casamigos tequila). They're terrible customers; they're loud, rude, bad tippers, thieves, and tend to run off good customers to boot. Bars have dress codes / lack of those liquors to avoid them.

I remember in college I worked at this bar and someone ordered a Hennessy and coke and there was not only no Hennessy but also no cognac at all at this otherwise well stocked bar. I asked the manager “hey am I missing something, I can’t find Hennessy anywhere or any cognac”

@chinchlady701 vet trip, undo whatever it is that's changed recently, and use Out spray from Walmart in the red bottle

can someone PLEASE for the love of god tell me how to get my cat to stop peeing on our carpet we moved apartments and our previous one had all wood floors (no accidents) and now that we have carpet he's continuously peeing on it and it's making me so upset lmao

love being quick witted and quick widdit

one man's worst nightmare (me) is another man's peace (also me)

pick me choose me euthanize me

dreaming about 27 club coffee...need another trip

i genuinely think about this every night

What I mean to say to my neighbor: It is humid outside today. What comes out of my mouth: Goddamn, it’s Mug City out here!!!!

saying "are our" in a sentence

@machinegunkelly for the love of god please take care of yourself first now.

the show must always go on

@machinegunkelly those fans aren't your real ones and I am so so sorry they did that

Saying im rubbing one out when scratching my eye