When a woman in her thirties or forties wakes up, realizes she feels unfulfilled in a stable marriage, and decides to blow up her entire life to "find herself," society throws a parade for her. She gets a book deal, a podcast, and absolute applause. Her choice to abandon her vows in pursuit of her own personal happiness is framed as a brave, empowering, Eat Pray Love awakening. ​But if a man wakes up at forty, realizes he has spent the last two decades working a soul-crushing job he hates purely to fund everyone else's lifestyle, and decides he wants to finally live for himself? He is absolutely demonized. He doesn't get a parade; he gets diagnosed with a "pathetic midlife crisis." He is labeled a selfish monster who abandoned his post

@Chizitere_xyz i’m a man currently fighting my need to leave my relationship. i’m a year in and i can already see my future leading to this because of my relationship with a narcissist. but my heart is so big and my guilt is so strong. it’s hard to leave.

Today in shit that never happens land, unless you fundamentally misconstrue the woman who left a loveless marriage with a child who thinks she needs to work 40hrs a week because he doesn’t make enough to make her the housewife he expects at home. We vastly overestimate how many men are actually creating a ‘stable’ marriage, and justify male crappy behavior because we assume women’s job is to settle, while men are victims of the ‘pay bills only’ lifestyle they beg for, without the responsibility that comes with that.

@Chizitere_xyz A man will sacrifice his own happiness for his family, while a woman will sacrifice her family for her own happiness.

@Chizitere_xyz Yeah no mention of the thousands of baby daddies who don’t stick around to raise their multiple kids they have with multiple women

@Chizitere_xyz Truth. Lived it. Miserable relationship. Sexless. Spent my off days cleaning up more after her than myself and daughter. Paid for everything. We spent no time together. Despite that she always had a problem with how I did spend my time that she wasn’t even occupying.

The second response is appropriate. Life is hard. You better be supporting your partner through the trenches. Biggest thing is, women are told (maybe were) that they can’t survive without a man. Then, they give birth. That process shows a woman just how strong she is. It’s not the only way, but that is definitely the fastest way. After that, if she stays with you, she’s choosing you, and you should be eternally grateful and find great peace in this thought. If she leaves, she’s been gone a LONG time.

@Chizitere_xyz A fat man is a fat man. A fat woman is big and beautiful. The average man is invisible to the most average woman.

@Chizitere_xyz 1. The double standard is indeed glaring. 2. The man is abandoning his post and he is utterly selfish.

Heterosexual white men are the most demonised people in the world today. It’s no surprise the suicide rates reflect this. Ironically, these same men will the ones western countries turn to when shit hits the fan. Best of luck getting defenders when u have broken all your defenders.

@Chizitere_xyz Maybe the real irony is that we’ve turned unhappiness into a gender competition. She gets an Eat Pray Love trilogy. He gets mocked for buying a motorcycle.

@Chizitere_xyz This isn’t a thing. It’s like you made it up to hurt your own feelings.

@Chizitere_xyz Lol yet women are always demonized for being single mums. Doesn’t this go against your write up above? We all know the truth tho….And we all know those seeking attention from a certain group through certain writeups. Kudos dear!

@Chizitere_xyz Society rewards women for leaving and punishes men for the same. One gets called brave. The other gets called selfish. Same decision. Different headlines. Nobody talks about this honestly.

@Chizitere_xyz at the end, every "feminist" will eventually have the urge to have kids and be owned by a man.

@Chizitere_xyz Just because the first shouldn't happen, doesn't mean the second should.

@Chizitere_xyz Sister, there are signs. As a man, I must say, guys often ignore the signs of this behaviour until it's too late. Guys are easily misled by a pretty face, we are our worst enemy.

@Chizitere_xyz You're not wrong, but more often a woman's crisis involves developing talents or financial independence & a man's involves leaving his family to be exactly the same but with a younger woman. It's changing, though.

@Chizitere_xyz Every post 40 divorce I’ve seen close up (including mine) was initiated by the woman 👩 The man is typically gob smacked and didn’t see it coming (becuz the damage would be incalculable), but you can still rebuild at 50. Yeah, it’s hard but can be done.

@Chizitere_xyz Uh. Not all women. 😅 Some get abandoned in purgatory untill someone calls them back to the field.

@Chizitere_xyz Why did he get a soul crushing job in the first place? Why didn’t he look for a job he liked? He would have to earn a living whether he was single or married.

been there done that and got the T-shirt, "luckily" i had 3 strokes and when she thought I could not provide anymore she left and divorced me. Best thing that ever happened to me. What people don't talk about is a year or 2 later when they try to come knocking back at the door when things don't work out the way she thought they would.

@Chizitere_xyz That's survival bias, you think everyone doing that have the same result?

@Chizitere_xyz A black man can literally create gasoline from plastic and get no support. But a black women can crochet a pillow in the shape of a blunt and all the women would support and make her rich. When the lights go out in America i feel sorry for the innocent women

@Chizitere_xyz That's because men have always been disposable from the beginning.

@Chizitere_xyz I'm speechless wondering what alternate worlds we inhabit. A man who leaves his family is not demonised -- he is rightly pilloried for a selfish and senseless act. But when a woman leaves her family -- oof. She is worse than dirt. Other women are *especially* critical of her.

@Chizitere_xyz Both are being selfish unless their partner is truly abusive.

@Chizitere_xyz That really hits. Society cheers when a woman leaves her stable life to “find herself,” but a man doing the same thing is judged harshly. One is seen as brave, the other as selfish. It’s a clear double standard.

@Chizitere_xyz Providing a stay at home lifestyle for my wife and the kids wasn't enough for her. I need 10 hours that will finish a project im deeply passionate about finishing... been trying to find my 10 hours for literally 3 months now.

The solution is not to live for himself. It is to start becoming who he was meant to be, who God is calling him to be which still includes being a man who provides for his family and honors his commitments. Time to start taking steps of faith in the direction he already knows he should.

@Chizitere_xyz I don't agree with the woman getting a parade in this scenario. But in the vast majority of cases, the man is abandoning his post.

@Chizitere_xyz The answer is removing people in your life that feel this way.

@Chizitere_xyz Maybe it's because that entire thing was made up?

@Chizitere_xyz Part one: If a man wants to quit a job he hates, that’s fine but then step up more at home and emotionally while figuring out what’s next. People criticize when someone stops contributing, not when they change direction.

This is a real double standard worth talking about honestly The “Eat Pray Love” framing for women leaving is genuinely celebrated culturally in a way male equivalent stories never are A man who walks away from a suffocating life doesn’t get Elizabeth Gilbert He gets a punchline about a sports car 😂 But here’s the honest pushback worth considering too A lot of the “abandoning her vows” criticism women face is actually pretty brutal in real life The book deal version is the highlight reel Most women who leave stable marriages get judged HARD by family, community, and especially older generations The cultural applause is louder online than it is in actual life The deeper issue is probably this Neither person should be quietly suffocating for decades out of obligation And neither person’s eventual breaking point should be mocked or celebrated based on their gender The soul-crushing provider who never gets to ask “what do I actually want” is a real and undertalked tragedy 🙏 That story deserves to be told without it becoming a gender war about who has it worse Both can be true at the same time

@Chizitere_xyz It took me a while to notice you just quoted your post. Thanks for getting that off your chest