Ersatz

I’m schizophrenic and my IQ is 147

Do you have to reply to every single post you see? I was willing to keep you a mutual on this account to give you the benefit of the doubt, to see if you’d figure out why I removed you from my private but clearly you have not. I’m going to tell you this because no one else will but the excessive replies are annoying. Especially when they’re not really funny. The reason Em and I and I’m sure countless others have removed you from their accounts is because of this.

@apocryphalite Maybe you prayed for the hangover

I once collapsed drunk in front of the Virgin of Pilar in Zaragoza and prayed for an hour. Awful hangover the next morning.

@Piryme This makes sense to me

@apocryphalite Empathchan gave AIDS to the monkey who gave AIDS to patient 0

If you’re stupid enough to have sex with Empathchan then maybe you deserve the monkey AIDS

Add me to your groupchats

@mythomatician Yes, AIDS is no joke.

@apocryphalite “It actually happened?”

@Creed_37 I will send my men to infect you

@apocryphalite You are the president of the republic of aids

@decay_our Banger this one

it’s so fun to be a young, trendy english major. it feels like if you don’t buy some sort of expensive art and wear one of those crazy unisex dress shirts they’re going to call you an “artsy farts.”

@polygonsqueeze Horrible

@apocryphalite I remember infiltrating Scottish Twitter several years back & it had me saying “get tae fuck” for like 2 months straight

One of the funniest things that Scottish people do is pretend that "Scots" is a unique language which developed independently of English. Incredible levels of delusion. Just admit that you can only spell phonetically.

There is nothing more "technological" about a computer than a tree, and, while it may pervert and mar it, technology can never extinguish the human spirit

The good news is that the despair you feel is purely "situational"; the bad news is that the situation is unlikely to improve.

@Green_Friar Ugh

@apocryphalite True, but then when I looked at my phone, I wouldn't remember my exact feelings I had when I took the photo, and have flashes of memories from the same trip. I'm s simple nostalgic visual based man. 🤷‍♂️

I will never understand why people take photographs of famous landmarks while on holiday. Whatever it is, it has been photographed hundreds of times before by photographers with better equipment and far more talent than you, and their images are freely available on the internet.

@Green_Friar You could have a better phone background if the photograph was taken by a real photographer

@apocryphalite Eh i do it so I have a cool phone background:

@Brumairian You’re frightening me. Go away!

@apocryphalite Enough of WHAT?

Unlikely that any of those stories of medieval and early renaissance revelry and taverns and dancing are true, because I don't even have time for that, nor am permitted to.

@Brumairian Enough of that…

@apocryphalite I couldn't POSSIBLY know what you mean

@Brumairian I’m sensing a bit of sarcasm in your reply, but I don’t know why. I agree completely with your sarcastic reply.

@apocryphalite Of course there is NO way people in the past had more fun than you, a thoroughly Modern woman. No way at all.

There is no empirical reason to work. Those who claim that they must out of necessity—single mothers, poverty-line fry cooks and waiters, nurses—are lying; they are just addicted to their torture.