Schuk Who's Talking

@pattonoswalt "Ball retractingly terrifying" has been in my lexicon and constantly used since the first time I heard this bit.

Something tells me this guy didn't go to clown school

@getty_a96716 @WestsideLAGuy That bio is... something else.

@WestsideLAGuy That is a handsome man and you’re an insecure weak child.

This is successful founder of Airtable Howie Liu & wife (she’s 3 years older). They have a great life together, new baby, and I’m sure he’s a loyal provider husband & dad. But she’s not genuinely sexually & romantically attracted to him. To deny this reality is cope.

@phamos @tweeth_mitchell Cutholo

@tweeth_mitchell Or the Polo logo.

I see AI hasn't quite figured out golf clubs yet

Why does Kash Patel always look like he's trying to desperately not shit his pants, or is panicking because he just did but can't call attention to it?

@RepMikeCollins Are the grandmothers in the room now? Because they sure as hell aren't in that cherry picked photo.

On this day in history in 2021, thousands of peaceful grandmothers and others gathered in Washington, D.C., to take a self-guided, albeit unauthorized, tour of the U.S. Capitol building. Earlier that day, President Trump held a rally, where supporters walked to the Capitol to exercise their First Amendment right about the irregularities of the 2020 election. During this time, some individuals entered the Capitol, took photos, and explored the building before leaving. Afterwards, hundreds of peaceful protestors were hunted down, arrested, held in solitary confinement, treated unjustly and crucified in the media. Countless hours and taxpayer dollars were spent pursuing grandmothers and raiding President Trump’s home, while terrorists and millions of illegal immigrants crossed our nation’s borders, causing havoc in our communities. Fortunately, this version of the DOJ exists only in history.

A long time ago (20 years?!?) in a grocery store not far away, Chad Vader blasted onto the internet and changed my life forever. We want to get the band back together to make a new episode. And I think it might just be possible! gofundme.com/f/help-us-crea…

@atrupar is one of the last reasons I haven't quit this hellscape of an app. Smart and insightful, but funny too.

@atrupar I triple dog dare Hassett to show his grocery spending this year to last. I'll even give him the month of December this year at $0.00.

Kevin Hassett lies shamelessly: "The price of groceries has gone up almost not at all this year."

Hey @ESPNMadison . I won a prize at the start of July but have never gotten word about when/how to pick it up. Can you please let me know how to pick it up? I can give you the date and Twittter post receipts if needed.

DOOCY: The report says there's no Epstein client list. So what happened to the Epstein client list that the attorney general said she had on desk? LEAVITT: She was saying the entirety of all the paperwork was on her desk

@jschuk Maybe my best ever result! Glad you picked me

@MattJamilton I put my faith in you. 6.5 easy. You got this. @ESPNMadison

@atrupar The only silver lining to this is if it gets Cecily Strong back on SNL in a guest spot.

Idiocracy was too charitable to America abcnews.go.com/US/trump-eying…

@atrupar The phrase "darkest timeline" gets thrown around a lot these days, but man is it accurate here.

imagine seeing this image after the 2022 election and being told this would be the state of play in 2025. unfathomable

@atrupar Data doesn't lie but some people sure do when they talk about it in ways that suit their own agendas.

Mike Johnson: "Elon has cracked the code. He's now inside these agencies. He's created these algorithms that are constantly crawling through the data & as he told me in his office, the data doesn't lie. We're gonna be able to get the information. We're gonna be able to transform the way the federal govt works"

@EndWokeness Yes, this less than a minute clip is clearly an accurate portrayal of all that took place over that entire day. C'mon. My favorite sports teams are undefeated based on the small segments of game I choose to show.

HOLY SHIIIT. The FBI just revealed that 5,000 out of their 13,000 agents were focused on January 6th protestors. 39% of the entire bureau, for this:

@atrupar But how many schools have sports entertainment programs?!?

McGovern: "His education secretary -- yet another billionaire. What's her qualification? She ran WWE. I guess some schools have wrestling programs. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad."

My goodness, what a week. How's everybody doing? flakphoto.news/p/hows-everybo…

@markmcconville Man, that's true. If you had to pick the absolute worst from your lifetime, what would it be? I have my guess but will tell after you answer so as not to sway it.

Oh, me? I’m a Vikings fan. I live in a haunted house, surrounded by untold horrors.