Will Hines

Have never made a mistake; zero regrets. Whole life = as planned.

I’m so tired of being asked to be the spokesman of my generation! I AM NOT A ROLE MODEL!

Every paragraph looks too long.

My trainer once again quit because my body is “too perfect.”

If you are only attractive at work conferences in hotels then congrats: you are conventionally attractive.

If I ever directed a major motion picture, I would simply do everything right.

New Fuck Marry Kill: Waymo, Yogurt or Danny DeVito.

all comedy is bad

I have done many things, many stupid stupid things.

I will win March Madness.

@KBAndersen I think of this cover all the time and how well it summed him up.

Thwarted, the dimwitted friendless bully throws tantrums on multiple fronts. 1/2

@MrScottDavis @Gabrus @ChaseMit My memory is no one had any idea what I was doing

@Gabrus @ChaseMit After this I remember @willhines recreating this at a late night comedy show. It was pretty great

I still say “I’ll take all of that ya got” constantly

@MrScottDavis @Gabrus @ChaseMit Yes !!!

It’s easy being tall and handsome.

I enjoy a cup of coffee.

Let’s all get pizza

Who here thinks everyone is full of shit

does anyone have opinions on saturday night live

RIP BUD CORT I SAW YOU IN GELSON'S

@sams_dog Thanks

@willhines You and the rest of the Play by Play performers killed at Bottlerocket last week; you should plan a return engagement!

anyone got any opinions they'd like to share