poison either way

The universe is a time machine and the math on the distance ladder will break your brain. 2,000 light-years gets you Rome. Go to 500 light-years and you're watching the Black Plague consume Europe in real time. At 80 light-years, you catch World War II. At 4.24 light-years, the nearest star system, Alpha Centauri, the light arriving right now left Earth in 2022. Someone there is watching us argue about whether GPT-4 is sentient. Now scale that in the other direction. The Andromeda Galaxy is 2.5 million light-years away. An observer there right now sees Earth before modern humans existed. They're watching early hominids figure out stone tools. They have no idea what's coming. The closest alien civilization is statistically estimated at 33,000 light-years away. They would be watching humans invent agriculture for the first time. Writing hasn't been invented yet. Cities don't exist. From their perspective, we are a species that just figured out how to plant wheat. Here's what makes the physics cruel. To actually see a human-sized object on Earth from just 20 light-years away, you'd need a telescope array roughly 100 million kilometers across. That's more than half the diameter of Earth's orbit around the Sun. To see Rome from 2,000 light-years? The optics required would be larger than our solar system. The light is real. The photons that bounced off Roman soldiers are still traveling outward at 300,000 km/s right now, carrying that information forever. The universe has a perfect recording of every moment in Earth's history, expanding in all directions at the speed of light. The problem was never distance. The problem is that no civilization, no matter how advanced, can build a lens big enough to read it.

First trailer for ‘STOP! THAT! TRAIN!’, starring RuPaul, Ginger Minj and Jujubee. The comedy follows 2 stewardesses who must save the day when a storm threatens to derail a high-speed train. In theaters on June 12.

Hot Take: The Samaná Peninsula in the Dominican Republic is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. S-Tier. It doesn't get the respect that Bali, the Amalfi Coast, or the Greek Isles do. But it sure as hell deserves it. Epic waterfalls. Pristine white-sand beaches. Endless groves of coconut-bearing palm trees. Humpback Whales breaching the surf. Pure paradise. A lot of Westerners cast aside the DR into the dustbin of touristic hell bc of the all-inclusivity, gringofied hordes of Punta Cana. Samaná is the real deal.

BREAKING: U.S. Army is increasing the maximum enlistment age from 34 to 42.