Brooke Jenkins 犯罪女王, District Attorney (Parody)

Why would Chesa do this to us?

@UbermenschMind Oof

The Kennedys are kinda famous for not doing that...

@SelenaC10705 Lucas Lux deserves a jail cell next to Chesa. Also, when are we going to talk about how his name sounds fake and made up? Has anyone ever met a person with the last name Lux? Not me.

When I say English is not my first language, that is not an invitation for anyone to talk down to me. I am speaking with humility, not weakness. So don’t respond with “ah, that explains it” as a way to dismiss or disrespect what I’m saying. This country was built by immigrants. San Francisco was built by immigrants. The people before us came here seeking opportunity, freedom, and the chance to live with democracy. We honor the rights they fought for, and we will not give up our voice just because others try to manipulate the system to push their own self-serving agendas. We understand the value of freedom of speech and democracy, which is exactly why we will continue to speak up for ourselves. Nobody invited Lucas Lux and his lobbyists into my space, yet they act as if they have the right to dismiss and disrespect me, or tell me to be quiet in my own community. I did not ask for their hostility or condescension, but somehow they feel entitled to speak to me that way. I don’t block or mute people because I believe everyone has a right to speak. But that does not mean anyone gets a free pass to be disrespectful or demeaning. Lucas Lux and his lobbyists, check the attitude you’re bringing into this space. If you can’t engage with basic respect, then you should remove yourself from my page. You don’t have control over me. Nobody asked you to be here reading my words. Nobody asked you to read an immigrant’s English. You are free to leave.

@BUNNlCULA Even his name is wiener. Are you kidding me?

did not know scott wiener was gay until this evening

I just looked up the shooter from the Correspondent's Dinner (Cole Allen) in the CA statewide criminal database and found some truly shocking information. It will completely change the way you look at this whole situation. The consequences will be catastrophic for many people.

@TheOnlyDSC I always knew Tony was right.

The AP released a pic of Cole Allen from college.

@newconciousness @hasanthehun Gurl don't even get me started 😩

@CrookeJenkins @hasanthehun As your attorney I suggest you get a large amount of high powered blotter and enough cocaine to last the weekend.

I will lift the ban if Hasan Piker (@hasanthehun) agrees to one (1) night of romance with me.

"Hello Grok, please write a tweet that makes it sound like I didn't know about this ahead of time. Make no mistakes."

@fulligin True true. Someone more viral and naturally amenable to being banned.

@CrookeJenkins You're juicing these too hard. You gotta wait. The next golden opportunity will present itself

I am dedicated to ensuring public safety in San Francisco and will do whatever is needed. Accordingly, we have acted swiftly to ban Cole Tomas Allen, the shooter from the White House Correspondent's Dinner, from San Francisco.

@Georgesantos When you say textured do you mean ribbed?

Ok love him or hate him Stephen kills it with this textured tux. Very chic and modern! More of this gents, take risks it pays off. #WHCD2026

BREAKING: Sources are indicating that this was a false flag situation and that Ian Miles Cheong (@ianmiles) is the real suspect. He was apparently disgruntled about the new 𝕏 creator payout system.

@dsonoiki Grok is this true?

there is nothing anyone can tell me to make me believe the shooter wasn’t John Bolton he smuggled a gun in his mustache

@Jason @DavidSacks Do not worry, Jason. I have banned Hasan Piker from San Francisco.

The left has a serious violence problem, which @DavidSacks called out early and often. This generation of woke democratic socialists are morally bankrupt. They believe in looting and violence as a political tool — and they’re vocal about it. If you called out the violent members of the January 6th riots, you also have to call out the radical left. #ballsandstrikes x.com/EndWokeness/st…

@LauraLoomer They don't want to admit that it's necessary now. It was always about situations just like this.

And just like that, the media went silent about the Trump Ballroom.

@Scott_Whiner Many people are saying this

@CrookeJenkins Why would Chesa do this to us? And ruin our home owners insurance?

@jarvis_best Okay we will

“It’s going to happen again, Donald san. Be careful.”

@MeinGottNiles I am on it.

Arrest Hasan Piker.

@hasanthehun Hasan Piker, you are under arrest. Put your hands in the air and drop your pants.

@RealJohnDennis Sorry Johnny, but I am going to need to place Rep. Massie under arrest for his attacks on President Trump. Please text me his location. God bless.

Thank you everyone. Look who I bumped into…

@RichPianian I am on it.

Arrest Hasan Piker