mayhem

Find your passion. Then bury it, so nobody can steal it. But mark the spot with a ribbon, in case you need to find it again later. #PROTIP

I’m not having a midlife crisis. I’m having a life-long crisis — and I’m afraid I might only be halfway through.

Happy Birthday, Mark Twain. 🎂

A chatty tattoo artist is like a drunk chauffeur.

cloud: person 1: “It’s a bunny rabbit.” cloud: *shrug* person 2: “No, it’s a hula dancer.” cloud: *deep sigh* person 1: “Nope. Check out the ears. Don’t you see them?” cloud: “I’m a cloud.”

I think all twitter feuds should be settled by a math test.

@erininnashville I’m very sorry. Peace to y’all.

We say goodbye to sweet Boots today. Even though I knew this was coming, I don’t want to face the day at all. In theory, it always seemed a lot easier than it actually is. Sixteen amazing years, and he’s been there for all of it. Well miss him so terribly.

When you’re sad, good dreams create more pain.

And autocorrect sucks.

Life is pretty ducking disappointing.

@erininnashville epic

This is absolutely incredible. Instantly one of the most iconic ads of all time.

@TrueTorontoGirl at last count: 5 times a day

Plosma.

@bldambition78 very underrated tweet you can’t take this lying down

First Rule of Zoom Club: Even if you mute the mic we can still see your eye-roll.

@bldambition78 Actually, maybe you don’t understand mansplaining. It’s not supposed to make you feel bad. It’s just supposed to help you avoid prior or probable mistakes. I’m sure there are plenty of things you understand. I hope you found this helpful. #meta #recursion

Hugh Hefner started Playboy in 1953 with a $600 bank loan and promptly spent $500 of that on those iconic Marilyn Monroe images. Content has always mattered.

The middle lost itself first.

I have a joke about Donald Trump’s face, but it’s off-color.

@tyleroakley twitter.com/davysunshine/s…

reply to this with your most successful tweet of all time

If I sounded cheerful, I apologize: I did not communicate effectively. Forgive me.