Fickle Filly

It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.

You think gas stoves are a danger? Ask the fire department about the risks of letting a white woman loose in the house with a bottle of wine and too many scented candles.

I’m the classic damsel in distress; all the color drained from my lithe face and body except the hot roses of fear from my cheeks. But wait! Here comes my hero wearing a cape made of all the red flags in the world.

I'm making a voodoo doll of myself but I'm giving it really nice clothes, cool hair and a bitchin car

Today's Tarot Card: You brighten everyone's morning with your incandescent rage.

Going to do lent really quickly. Fast fast.

@beefman138 Never trust a man with an aviary.

Never trust a woman with ovaries.

The library over the road doesn’t have a dress-code but I suspect they will by tomorrow

I’m always surprised when my tweets don’t do well and have been in a state of constant dismay for over a decade

Ah yes, "ire." Aka my food of love.

I said no festoons, you fuck.

It's harder to make lemonade out of rat chunks and poison arrows.

Champollion was the first person to translate the Rosetta Stone and unlock the secrets of Egyptian hieroglyphs. What are you even doing with your life, you piece of shit.

Lol, good luck little guy. Consciousness is the first stage of torture.

I'll get rabies one day from giving a drooling squirrel little kisses.

Algorithms are like horny people. ‘Oh you like that, then let me show you this and this and this’.

I think people call me passionate as an insult.

I don’t have FOMO, I have FOBI - Fear Of Being Included.

I just misspelled 'competence' in an auditors report. Wish me luck!

Usually I only have to get rejected three or four times to take the hint.