Simon Marwa

@wakimuyu That's is so deep, in my next role I want to undo somethings

You got the promotion in January 2020. ‘Regional Sales Manager.’ With it came a car, and you moved your family to the suburbs and your kids to Group of Schools. People cry about Njaanuary but not you. You were laughing all the way to the bank. Your wife was happy, your kids were happy. The receptionist was even flirting with you. ‘Regional Sales Manager.’ It had a nice ring to it. If you could, you would flirt with yourself too. January went quickly, and February was here. Time flies when you have money. You developed a palate for golf and got a membership in that country club. It was already end-of-February before you could pronounce ‘caddie’, and there was talk of a flu from Wuhan. You shrugged. Flu? You even laughed. Not with your top-of-the-range health insurance. March knocked on the door. The upper echelon of the organization called an emergency meeting and told you, you had to take a pay cut and lay off half of your team. A pay cut was all right. You would just dial down on the country club membership, and besides, the kids were home now. You were upbeat even though you had a chill down your spine. ‘What if it all goes away?’ April came, and you saw that email you were dreading. You were all being sent on leave without pay. You stared at it unblinking as if you could see right through the screen. You tried to comfort yourself. ‘By May things will be back to normal.’ April was slow. You spent your time sitting uneasily on your sofa and burning through your savings, wondering who you were now. Who were you really if you were not the Regional Sales manager? The arguments with your wife started. You could no longer pay the mortgage in suburbia. The internet was cut. Then the electricity followed. Food was under candlelit but that disappeared too. And then the wife took the kids and disappeared. You made it through a week without electricity, water, and dignity, with auctioneers banging on your door before you decided to end it all. You were going to do it in that car. You were going to smash into a bridge at ninety miles an hour. It was the means of your rise, and now it would be the means of your demise. Poetic. While en route to the bridge, you came across these vendors with big cars on the roadside. It piqued your interest. Besides, you didn’t want to gamble. You didn’t know if you would make it to your maker in time for supper, so you slowed down for a banana. While peeling it, you talked shop. There was an accountant selling tomatoes. An engineer selling potatoes and the professor who sold you bananas. He was short of hands, and he asked if you could come on board, and you did. You look back, it's 2026, and now you have a smoothie and ice cream joint at Sarit whose focus is banana flavor. You did go bananas, and with the sun coming out, your bank account is going bananas, too. You smile at the memory and feel a little bit bananas that you were a Regional Sales Manager who could sell water to a well, yet there you were about to end it all because of a minor setback.

@_fwambui Kama mwingine I told him kama umeingia hapo hatuwezi kusaidia,

Wanaume waluhya ndio unaweza kalia vizuri, kuna mmoja huwa naona akifulia bibi na watoto nguo na hanaga shida.

@_MtuTano Jomba usema sista alambe flow tukingia weekend

Looking at your parents, wanakaa watu wapoa, and they definitely took good care of you. Looking at your grades, A- from pangani, that means you are a bright girl. How you ended up as Quickmart Mia Khalifa taking 144p nude photos still shocks me. Ulikosea wapi??

@estherngozi1999 It's a norm in the present day

I woke up to a rejection mail from another company 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😩😩😩😩😩😩 My chest

@Kotsocha_ke Hutaki ruto akule ndio mpate za gigs boiyz

Na mbona serikali isiende Libya inunue mafuta na hiyo 3ksh per litre alafu wakuje watuuzie ata 50bob?

@tl_chaos Ushaona Ile space ya marriage apo citizen how she acts adi Mzee huchoka 😭😂😂🫴

Huyu mama huwa ukimuangalia as she goes about her campaign you can just tell from her face she doesn't give a fuck about those people or their problems.

@Osama_otero Dad made orders and we are paying for it after the individuals who bought fuel under his back

Joel Mburu the logistics manager at KPC should already be in jail because of the ongoing fuel crisis. Joel Mburu is still free. So sad.

@Cofek_Kenya Wat about @EPRA_KE of fuel

It’s wrong for Ena Coach to take advantage of the changes in #FuelPrices to overcharge consumers on fares #BoycottEnaCoach -#CofekCares

@bakhita_esther Nothing is independent in Kenya ata goons.. FYI

EPRA is independent, but President Ruto still stepped in to negotiate lower fuel prices for us.We appreciate the President's prompt intervention.

@MartinnaMaree Ok

@SymonRashy Kwa town centre. Pristine towers.

On the side,Niko na kinyozi KM. Do you know how bad things are? It's midday na tumenyoa Tu mtu mmoja😂😂😂. I have 4 barbers I'm supposed to pay,the day is still young,I'm hoping hakuna mwenye atashinda poa Leo😭😭🤦.

Thorium 230 present in kenya..

@goaldigger_ke Hello, Am available for the position

Lord open bigger doors because I need an assistant. Soon.

@JoyJMurraya Mimi Kwanza Ireland nkumoto, hapa Kenya goonz ndio wako n politicians and few people

Hungarians woke up yesterday and voted out Orbán who’s been making them miserable for 16 years. The people are the power I’ve never seen Hungarians this happy in my life

@KaranjaJojo Hey 😊

I’m 5’7 ☘️

IRELAND JUST SHOWED PEOPLE'S POWER.. KENYA CAN WE EVEN..

@CilComLFC @PoliceKE @DCI_Kenya are we together and state goons

🇮🇪 WOW! Hundreds of police officers across Ireland are calling in “sick” to work because they refuse to break up peaceful protests. We are witnessing a major revolt against the Irish Government right now. Respect to those brave officers for standing with the Irish public! 👏👏

@Sapayian @KeNHAKenya Plus bypass hakuna lights kutoka utawala adi kamakis

Meanwhile pale ruiru @KeNHAKenya wanajenga footbridge na 5 years

@WashiraX Sasa utapeana aje Etims ya matatu surely

Hide your KRA PINs guys. Why? Tax cheaters are hunting for them. Why? - Many people do not have eTIMS receipts to support expenses for 2025. - And KRA has now allowed deduction of such expenses. But with conditions. - One must send a list of those expenses to KRA before filing. - And include the supplier’s KRA PIN. Here is the catch. - Cheaters will use any PIN they can find. - Yours included. Later, KRA will come for you with stories like: - Vipi bro. We can see you sold goods worth 10M. - But you only declared employment income. Or, - Mzee you declared 2M, but we can see 10M in sales. We want tax on the other 8M. Simply because your PIN is sitting in someone else’s expenses. Yet you did not sell such figures. You will waste a lot of time cursing, emailing, visiting, and calling KRA to explain unaekelewa. Protect your PIN!

Ireland walifunga barabara juu ya taxes apa Kenya jaribu. Uskie wakisema unaharibu biz