Gluten-free apple cider doughnut

No one LOOKS at Twitter any more so I guess it’s safe to say LOL. WOW. Didn’t expect this post to get me in as much trouble as it ended up

Does your husband want to be polyamorous? You worried he’s going to leave you for someone else? Try setting them up with me! Perks include, I’m already married, I won’t ask him to leave you! I’m physically and mentally exhausting!

@Regular_AssDude Jon and I have had very long conversations on what constitutes good bad and what constitutes bad good

catch me calling the jerry springer vehicle ringmaster "altmanesque"

@Regular_AssDude Bing bong blank

as far as the general public is concerned daniel craig's character in the knives out movie may as well be detective knives out

@REALFUNNYBABY Bring Ohio a daiso or so help me God

I think if I could go to Japanese dollar stores I would be healed

@REALFUNNYBABY Tag him!! he responds sometimes

Is there an X Japan pinball machine if not yoshiki should get on it I think it would really work

The time stamp on this is WILD considering

… my nightmares were spot on about my fears though and it feels great

My nightmare: what if my partner found someone more interesting than me and stopped spending time with me My partners nightmare: what if the boring lady at work started a swear jar and everyone just went with it.

Break up with him

@koolwhp My sister stopped liking ween after she transitioned and that’s scientific proof that it’s a band for guys.

nice to see that Reddit still has it going on

@elonmusk @realDonaldTrump You’re the one who has access to all of the United State’s files why don’t you leak it coward?

@skullface It’s because he looks like the one kid from skins

got asked if we were british and if we were over 21 today

@REALFUNNYBABY Don’t want to know those statistics. No thanks

got to hear how many of my former students are pregnant or in jail today 🙃🙃🙃

how it feels when you're depressed and someone starts talking about God

I am so normal about drugs and sex and food and my body and love

@REALFUNNYBABY My kittens were the worst ag this. Drive me insane

Piglet was just shredding a roll of paper towels 😭 I swear Oliver was never like this as a kitten

It rules being in the last generation to learn anything in an already disturbingly illiterate time. If you’re a book-reader born before 1997 you get to be a genius for the rest of your life

@REALFUNNYBABY My partner took me to Detroit to see him two weeks ago. It was amazing.

truly blessed to have a husband who took me to see Nick cave (a spriritual experience) and also bought be a below deck cameo from Joao (a hilarious experience)

Not exclusive to autistic people, but if your life has a recurring pattern of people initially “liking you” but getting sick of you after a few months despite: a. You doing nothing wrong, or b. You doing much less wrong than other people get away with ...autism is more likely.

@REALFUNNYBABY They did NOT play any gauze and I assume it’s because Kyo hates me

Dir should just play vulgar in it’s entirety for me on Friday. As a treat