Train Diaries 🚂

If I stumble, it's not because I'm drunk. I have Multiple Sclerosis. Or it might be because I'm drunk.

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@fesshole I don’t know you but I am incredibly proud of you 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻

Six y/o daughter fell and needed to get stitches. To distract her from the pain I showed her a summary of research on how swearing helps you endure pain. She went back to school the next days and called her teacher a cunt. Cue awkward telephone conversation.

@fesshole See, this is the kind of petty, childish, passive-aggressive fuckery I can really get behind.

I used to fart in the biscuit tin and then quickly put the lid back on before leaving for work when my partner told me that their mother was popping around for a coffee.

@TouretteIn I feel the wrath

Cunt colleague has added 58 comments on one spreadsheet. Make of that what you will.

@TattooedDoll2 😂

@fesshole Or genital warts.

I am shagging two of the neighbours, each without the other's knowledge. Thinking of adding a third. It is like skiing just ahead of an avalanche, being fully alive in the moment but it could end in disaster.

@80sNostalgia @Fontybits1

What is the best combo-shop you’ve ever seen? There used to be a shop in Wigan that sold guitars and prams, but I think I’ve just found my new favourite… Records and Tortoises.

Post-piercing pint. Traditional innit.

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Ah now you’re talking

Tonight’s entertainment was ‘The Killer’. Absolutely excellent. Everything you’d expect from a John Woo film and more. Cool, slick and brutal. Wonderful stuff.

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