Girth Brooks

i dropped my 9 euro stroopwaffel on the ground in the amsterdam airport and a little dutch boy with no parent in sight ran up to me and did the griddy over it and ran away yelling something in his maniacal elvish language while pointing and laughing at me happy friday

Glad Ramadan is over, fed up of Muslims randomly pushing in to me

If Dubai gets nuked crushed velvet furniture stores will go into administration

🚨BREAKING – Prince Andrew has just been arrested.

ringo starr enters the black lodge. he meets wrongo

Very funny however that even cartoonishly evil mega-paedo Epstein considered Elon too annoying to invite to his parties

hello this is the bank we have approved your million dollar loan to start your David Lynch themed Asian fusion restaurant Fire Wok With Me

After 73 days without food, the hunger strikers won. The government blocked Elbit Systems’ £2 billion contract to train British troops. Prisoners of conscience protesting against genocide defeated UK-Israeli weapons infrastructure. Now bail them. Drop the charges. FREE THEM NOW

Rap battling my wife at our divorce hearing

So anyway fuck ICE

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant labubu

@GBNEWS Omg get a real job

'I'm in serious trouble if it comes in. It's my entire life.' GB News reporter Will Godley is live in Chipping Norton with trail hunter Amy Aldworth, who says a potential ban on trail hunting is 'her life' and describes the 'devastation' it would cause as 'heartbreaking.'

Day 6 off zyn, noticeable uptick in sex drive and energy the last few days I’ve used the excess energy to call into radio stations and argue with the host

Redacting thousands of pages of Epstein documents in a way where anyone can easily undo it is a plotline too stupid for VEEP and exactly what we should have expected from this administration chock full of the most incompetent nincompoops white affirmative action has to offer

These 23 year old fitness influencers who “quit drinking” are frauds. Ma’am. You barely even started. You didn’t even give drinking a chance. You didn’t quit. You never started. Stolen valor.

i had to drop what i was doing to make this

It's a cracking day for going out and just Getting In The Way™ you know. Go to the supermarket, stand in front of the milk for ages, reach for the same bag of parsnips at the same time as someone else, leave your trolley sideways across the aisle.