ellyn marsh

Car dealer : what are you looking for in a car? Me: Car dealer : Me: well...I guess it would have to be.... Car dealer: Me: automatic ? Car dealer : sure, so not a manual. Me: yeah. And also systematic... Car dealer: ok... Me: hyyyyyyydromatic. Car dealer: get out.

@EthanKelly @ValVenisEnt Israel.

My guy you do understand that if what you are claiming is true, that would make the entire federal government complicit in the murder of Charlie Kirk, correct? What’s the motive? Why frame Tyler Robinson? Why not just say that a rogue agent killed Charlie? Why have no leaks been reported despite the extremely large amount of people who had to know about this for it to happen?

🚨 JUST A REMINDER FOLKS! PALM PISTOL RICKY IS THE MAN WHO 86'd CHARLIE KIRK. The government KNOWS this as a fact and completely acts like this video does not exist. Every single movement made by Palm Pistol Ricky in this video is 100% consistent with a man leveling, aiming, and firing a Palm Pistol.

Life hack for my friends: do NOT put me on speakerphone. Ever.

I’m fairly far through life now, I have yet to have to play the recorder in any adult scenario.

You’ve heard of elf on the shelf but have you heard of shutting the fuck up?

Tracking a package is wild. They’ll be like package arrived at Duluth facility: 3:13am where Bruce handed it to Carl, who has a bad back so Ted assisted & Becky scanned: 3:17am. Then it was sent to a facility in Tampa at 6:22am scanned by Brenda BICTH! WILL IT BE HERE BY TUES?

Person on their Spotify wrapped: OMG THIS IS SO ACCURATE! no…see…that’s the point. It’s data. It’s actual numbers which are…categorically accurate, Tiffaniegh.

I recognize the excitement that Marjorie Taylor Greene is making sense…BUT remember the only thing you’re agreeing on is that children shouldn’t be sex trafficked. Recalibrate your dopamine. She’s still a hateful, racist, homophobic, transphobic, fear mongering bigot.

Imagine protecting ped🌸 phi les being bad, but not like…a deal breaker.

Haunted House but it’s just a silent room with a nose sniffer, an open mouth chewer and a lip smacker.

Mom: you get back here! Teen: no! (Teen leaves) Mom: where are you going? Teen: I dunno! Probably go out and do a buncha Tylenol. (Slams door) Mom: (through tears- whispers) oh…oh dear god…no please no(yells) NOOOOOO! FIN.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this Tylenol causes autism thing and my only question is release the Epstein files.

Dear god, Can we do a swapsies? Hear me out-You give us Malcolm Jamal Warner back…

@taterbaterbug 😂😂😂

@ellynmarsh No because I keep confusing them

Why is “Floyd Collins” going again? #tonyawards

@XGonnaGiveIt2yu This wins. Everything.

@ellynmarsh I’ve actually done all of that WHILE having sex.

Yeah sex is fun but have you ever stood in your kitchen sobbing while watching people shaving cancer warriors’ heads then shaving their own?

I will never look at ceiling fans the same. #KarenReadRetrial

@MRSimpluto1 He’s a cop.

Middle aged black man Karen Read as the foreman Man she will be free today 🫶🏾 #FKR I might not be the brightest but ik my ppl! At least i think😉

“Hi there, I won’t be in to work today…I’m calling out Sara Bareilles and Cynthia Erivo performing for The Tony Awards' In Memoriam. I’m not well. Thanks.”

Breaking News: Micheal Che and Colin Jost to receive a PAY CUT for their work on SNL’s Weekend update. Producers of the show site that they aren’t spending writing jokes anymore they are just reading the actual news.