jack

Cruise while u still can

@bjork youtube.com/watch?time_con… see u tonight

I will not satisfy the masses (please don't make me fuck the chair).

We should all wrestle.

you CANT keep ME down but i am ALWAYS down.

You just don't come across many children called Helen.

@denhamsadler (•_•) <) )╯ Where / \ \ (•_•) ( (> / \ Is (•_•) <) )> that plane / \

If you ever see this mum I love you, and your mild lamb curry is my fave.

Fave quote by my mum on Facebook: 'Time to cook a mild curry and chill.'

@jembry0 Even as we grow older, there's always time for a good belly laugh.

Unhappy with past grammatical choices.

Woman at work: 'oh god can you undo? How do you undo? Is it control U?!'

@maximillian_ that's like me with women who walk their cats on leashes.

@maximillian_ her biggest fan.

@jackatherton bad girls do it well

A young cop just walked into my cafe with 'live fast die young' and a sleeve of skulls all up his arm. Good.

Every work day should feature Eurovision prominently.

Please don't say 'Gs' instead of thousands young executive man.

'You looked better before you worked out so much.' 'Yeah, but now I look disciplined.'