the pan-midwesterner

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the pan-midwesterner

the pan-midwesterner

@panmidwest

rev kev | just trying to get the approval of strangers | @ajokeexplainer | top tweets: https://t.co/Mz4BN2kP6g

bay area, ca เข้าร่วม Nisan 2016
442 กำลังติดตาม11.2K ผู้ติดตาม
ทวีตที่ปักหมุด
the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
[my dad is in the backyard motionless gazing off into the distance] wife: what’s he doing me: oh, there’s a long standing tradition in my family her: what is it me: i... just... told you?
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the pan-midwesterner รีทวีตแล้ว
andrew
andrew@AndrewChamings·
In an alternate universe there is only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with John Travolta.
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
if i were a figure skater i would simply do a triple axel every time
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
my wife just explained to my children that i am not in fact the strongest person in the world please respect my privacy at this time
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the pan-midwesterner รีทวีตแล้ว
the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
[phone call] HER: i wish our lives were more like TV or the movies ME: *hangs up without saying goodbye*
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
if you think about it everyone is either a firstborn or youngest child
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
what’s up with attachment theory calling them styles? secure, anxious, dismissive, fearful. as if one isn’t significantly better than the rest. no. they’re just “styles” like an active choice. same as your clothes. i’d be secure but that just isn’t my style.
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the pan-midwesterner รีทวีตแล้ว
the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
my dad just told me that i don’t struggle with mental illness it’s all in my head
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
i just saved thousands on a new car by sending in my four year old to negotiate
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
i want to be an influencer but like an anti-influencer where everything i do is framed as something other people should definitely not do
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
Breaking: Woman Who Hates a Messy House Wants Another Kid
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
you know what rocket money won’t tell you? that you have two subscriptions to rocket money
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the pan-midwesterner รีทวีตแล้ว
the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
falafelraptor
the pan-midwesterner tweet media
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
[buying a dog] hi yes i want to be absolutely devastated in like 11 years or so
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
[times square new year’s eve 30 mins before midnight] we should leave now and beat the crowd
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the pan-midwesterner
the pan-midwesterner@panmidwest·
wife: what are you thinking about guy who invented coffee: what if we pick the fruit off this plant, remove the seeds, roast them on a stove, let them cool off, grind them up into a near powder, pour boiling hot water over them, and then drink it
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the pan-midwesterner รีทวีตแล้ว
Abam
Abam@AdamBroud·
Using a hot dog bun as a wallet
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