Riley Lassin

Going on a date with a chef and I am dreading telling him I am gluten free.

@AndreDThompson Everytime 😔

A guy I hooked with recently asked if I was faking my snort when I laughed, it’s funny THAT is what he thought I was faking.

A comedy show where dialogue is encouraged Pull up to @bklyncomedyclub Dec 19th 8pm

I know we are fasting today but never have I been thirsty enough to send a booty call on Yom Kippur #Jewish #single

See Riley Lassin @rileylassin on Saturday September 9th at 8:30PM at The Atlantic City Showcase ft. Jerry Torres, Ibrahim Khalif and Rus Gutin @RUSGUTIN at Atlantic City Comedy Club inside @ClaridgeAC! GET TICKETS 🎟️⬇️ atlanticcitycomedyclub.com/events/the-atl…

Sunday 9:00PM @TheStandNYC Upstairs (Indoors) @sarahhartshorne @Meadbymead @NapoleonEmill @kendall_farrell @GlorelysMora @rileylassin @IamJustinSilver thestandnyc.com/shows/show/202…

What a weekend for the Jews! Not only did we create the Bomb but we also created Barbie. There are a lot of things people call Jews but you have to admit, we have range.

I’ll be at @ACComedyClub on Friday!!! June 30 at 830 pm. This is goin to be 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 promo code RILEY atlanticcitycomedyclub.com/events/riley-l…

GOP: We are pro-life! So—free pre-natal care? GOP: No Extend child tax credit? GOP: No Paid family leave? GOP: No Universal pre-K? GOP: No Universal healthcare? GOP: No Gun reform? GOP: No How are you pro-life?🤔 GOP: Ban repro health access & increase women’s death

PCOS doctor: I am sorry your hair is thinning so badly, at least you have a nice face. I know what to put on my tinder bio now

@Neko_white93 Killer whales just jumped up top

People went out on a submarine, the size of a mini van. Controlled by a Nintendo game cube controller, with parts on it being described as “improvised... humans don’t deserve this “top of the food chain” status any more.

damn lisa frank went hard

Damn. Beautiful weddings makes me wanna get married right now

In the winter you want a cuffing buddy but what is it called if you want someone during a “it’s toxic air outside so now I am bored inside and want someone to cuddle with”

@nyeahhhsays Me rn

I am getting my nails done tmmrw and haven’t picked out a design

Me rn in nyc

@electra_teles Electra this actually freaked me out lol

"are u ok" NO my stomach hurts whenever i eat things that i like to eat