Noah Smith

It’s weird that anyone would ever say “no pun intended” when you could say “that was pun-intentional.”

@asterios I guess we’ll never know …

if i was statler or waldorf i would just stop going to the muppet show

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Oh yes. This movie is such a delightful romp through truly horrifying sexual violations.

“Hair pie.”

MOVIE WATCHING DAY: Y’all voted and today’s motion picture is Revenge of the Nerds! I’m sure there’s NO way there’s problematic things that don’t age well in this classic comedy! Follow along on the thread below! LFG!!!🧵⬇️

Seriously. Fuck this bear.

Said Matt Gaetz “if me and you seven Vote to oust him, we’ll get rid of Kevin” So through speakericide His leadership died And I’m sure that it went straight to … hell.

@Ollotreb @nut_history I think the term here would be “southflipper”

Kermit bringing the heat

@stevefrenchvo @PDelPonte @McGruffatNCPC @hillholliday @AccessTalentVO Wow! Does @shaundiston know about this?

I’m so proud to be the voice of #McGruffTheCrimeDog in his latest #PSA. Thank you @PDelPonte and the teams @McGruffatNCPC, @hillholliday, and @AccessTalentVO for the chance to carry on the McGruff legacy.  Learn more about the #GoForReal campaign: mcgruffpsa.org

Happy first anniversary to my most popular tweet of all time. Sadly, we’re still no closer to cracking this case.

@JennyJohnsonHi5 Hmm … I don’t think I agree. I don’t think there’s any way he was planning on activating the flux capacitor. And I think he was too panicked to remember he was driving a Time Machine. Maybe he thought he could swerve at high speed better than the van.

“Let’s see if you bastards can do 90.” Marty knew 88 was the time travel speed which is why he was driving towards the photomat in the parking lot. Shouldn’t he have said, “Let’s see if you bastards can do 88”?

MOVIE WATCHING DAY: I hope y’all are ready to hit 88mph because “you’re gonna see some serious shit.” That’s right! It’s ‘Back To The Future’ Day!!!!! I LOVE THIS MOVIE! Follow along on the thread below! LFG!!!🧵⬇️

Just like with my children, I am constantly calling Alexa and Siri by each other’s names

So now, apparently, I have to figure out what costume I’m going to wear when we go to see the Taylor Swift concert movie? Marriage, year 21.

@parabasis The Good German and The Good Shepherd came out one week apart in December of 2006. But I can’t remember anyone making German Shepherd jokes. How did we miss this?

Activate Rodney mode … Geez! If got a mug with a head like that on it, I’d tell the bartender to take it back. I tell ya, if we had hunches like that, we’d solve every murder on the books! They say a supermodel can smile with her eyes. This guy can scowl with his hair!

You can almost sing this to the tune of “Rainbow Connection.”

Ain’t Bobby so cool?

🎶Trump indicted and it feels so good🎵

@KurtBusiek Geez! Mike Zeck goes after everybody!

@johnmoe His job is reach.

@johnmoe His job is Keach.

His job is Bleach.