Courtney G.

Mike Flanagan’s upcoming projects: • Carrie – Miniseries (Finished Filming) • The Exorcist – Film (Preparing to Shoot) • The Mist – Film (In Development) • The Dark Tower – TV Series (Early Development)

every pet owner has a foundational nickname from which 58 other names ripple outwards. the sourdough starter name

It’s 2003. People are wearing huge pants. Noah Wyle stars in a hit medical drama on TV. The US is bombing the Middle East. It’s 2026. People are wearing huge pants. Noah Wyle stars in a hit medical drama on TV. The US is bombing the Middle East.

Having cats is basically babysitting drunk friends: Someone’s always hungry, someone’s puking, and someone’s yelling for no reason.

BREAKING: The Board of Peace launches its first war.

A collection of the dumbest dudes you knew from high school felt emasculated when a black man got elected president, so, to compensate, we now have a semi-sentient pig’s stomach in a red hat starting an illegal war to distract the country from all the sex crimes he committed.

To anyone still gullible enough to fall for scummy media hoaxes: Trump said warmongering neocons love sending your kids to die for wars they would never fight themselves. Liz Cheney is Kamala’s top advisor. Liz wants to invade the whole Middle East. Kamala = WWIII. Trump = Peace.

The If Books Could Kill podcast is where you find out that a self-help book you've vaguely heard of but thought was sort of generic pablum in fact contains the unorganized ravings of a complete psychopath. And that it sold seventy million copies

I say “no worries” a lot for someone who’s been in a permanent state of panic for 20 years.

BREAKING: Punxsutawney Phil releases statement: "Winter, Spring, who really gives a shit? You humans should get that fascist fuck out of office before you worry about anything else."

We cannot afford to sit back or waver in taking action. Oregon unions are demanding justice for our communities and an end to ICE violence NOW.

@logangilles They say so much while actually saying nothing at all. Would have been better if they hadn’t put this out.

What does this even mean

shoutout to everyone whose internal monologue rn is like “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck holy shit oh my god wait hold on gotta do laundry what the fuck okay time to eat something holy shit holy shit i’d better go to bed soon what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck”

It's the first 45 years of January that are the hardest.

@soigomaa Sense8

Can someone please recommend a Netflix show that’s actually addictive, the kind that makes people stay up all night and finish season one in one sitting?

@soigomaa Haunting of hill house

don’t kiss boys at midnight. it’s new year’s EVE! not new year’s STEVE! be a lesbian 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people at the grocery store.