Tori Bird

This is Haurchefant and Estinien to me

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Not worries. I can take care of myself if I am worried about hurting. It's not worth making my fiance unsafe.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Do you know the feeling of calm that comes over you when someone who's been edging you to the point of hurtful blue balls keeps pressing into you? Yeah, me neither.

there's a sex therapist who has a ritual of making out with her husband every night before bed, and so many of the comments on her posts are some version of "but what if he gets turned on and I don't want to have sex" and i need men to understand and prioritize non sexual touch.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Do you know the feeling of laying your head on someone's chest and just listening to their heart beat? That is enough to distract me from most aches. It is one of the most relaxing feelings. It also makes it easy to tell when he is upset or tense.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Good on you! I love your tales, they're so believable. And they work for everyone, just like the OP's advice.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Neither of us have had an issue. It really should not hurt to a very noticeable extent. We can just cuddle and sleep.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Nah, you just follow your own advice and suggest he "just deal with it lulz". That's sure to improve your relationship and, what was it, increase your sexual intimacy. After all, that's perfectly normal and not at all batshit insane.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Yes. We shouldn't coerce our partners into going further than they are ready to.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Not as much as partner abuse, one would imagine.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay No worries. Anytime his balls hurt, I will tell him to seek console from @danvolodar on twitter.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay I can't imagine entering a relationship like this to begin with - we've been over it already. And your partner has my condolences for living with an abuser.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay That is just a tense mindset to have and creates issues for yourself.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay You? Of course not. Your trust? Sure.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay You are not creating a good dynamic for yourself. Someone not going all the way sometimes does not mean they aren't attracted to you. It would be good for you to leave the relationship for their and your own sake.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Consent goes both ways. Consent to stay in a relationship without mutual attraction particularly so.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Work that out with your partner. It just is not the most healthy dynamic to have. They should feel safe to withdraw consent.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay If you aren't prepared to escalate, don't initiate, or acquire consent in advance.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay I can read comments on other posts and QRTs and see the opposite take. It is how algorithms work.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay You can read the rest of the comments and see that multiple people share the same opinion. Sorry facts don't fit your fantasies. You can pull that nail out of your skull, too.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay They are not betraying you by not going all the way.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay You don't strengthen intimacy by betraying anyone's trust or abusing them, surprising as that might sound.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay If you don't want to make out don't make out.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Yes, forcing your wants upon your partner without their consent and leaving them to deal with the results is "not respecting your partner's autonomy or body".

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay These are not facts. You are placing your feelings into biology and deciding everyone has to be frustrated. 'No one is obliged to deal with the consequences of your actions.' You were a participant in the making out and got that dopamine. You can take care of your balls.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Because facts hurt your argument, I understand. Too bad they don't care. No one is obliged to deal with the consequences of your actions. I understand it must be hard to understand for an abuser.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay And, again, the whole point of this method is to strengthen intimacy overall! Heavy expectations lead to lower performance, and can even cause things like ercitite dysfunction. Sometimes they just need some love, not the whole deal.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay And this is precisely what you're trying to dictate, yep: what they must expect, how they must react, how much of your shit they must tolerate for no reason at all.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Again, it doesn't. Blue balls, once again, do not mean you were edged. You are deciding to not take care of yourself and blaming your partner for it, which is, ironically, abuse.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Again: no, biology does. You are hurting your partner and trying to shift responsibility for the consequences of your actions onto them. Typical abuse.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Ty! It is why I am really strong on the idea that people do have a decent amount of control over their 'automatic' responses. It is our brain responding to stimuli. Teach it to respond how you would like it to.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay Good on you.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Low-pressure means not expecting them to push for full on intercourse in this method.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay No, I just consider your attempts to dictate what others should consider "low-pressure" to be ridiculous.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay Again, expectation creates the idea of 'edging.' Evidently: 'having an angry partner if you hurt them is included in that.' You are hurting yourself if you decide to do nothing for it and take it out on your partner.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay So take care of yourself rather than edging your partner without their consent, precisely.

@danvolodar @0xSoDank @emilykmay I am about 80% through! I still cannot take certain sizes. The anxiety and intense pain is gone for much smaller sizes. I worked on my arachnophobia the same sort of way and now could let an orb waver crawl on my face if I liked. I no longer feel any fear.

@toriiibibi @0xSoDank @emilykmay And what, have you stopped experiencing the feelings you don't like, lol? Or have you learned to control your behaviours about them?