Trading Psychology: The Dark Side of the Journey to Profitability If you're a trader on your journey to profitability, read this. This is the side of trading that isn’t talked about enough. I've been trading ICT and NQ for around 12 months now. This is one of my 5 transaction pages on Topstep. 23 transactions 14 Combine resets 7 Trading Combines 2 XFA activation fees €1243, maybe that’s not much to some of you, but to me, it was 3 to 4 weeks of kitchen porter work while studying full-time at university. Back then, I was mentally drained. The dark voids, the exhaustion, the loop of self-sabotage. I lived it. Some traders never feel that side. But I did. And I stayed in it longer than I care to admit. I used to hear the clichés: “Trading is 99% psychology. A battle with yourself.” I brushed it off. Months later, I was deep in it , chasing setups, trading for validation, suppressing guilt every time I typed in my card details for another reset. I’d get a decent trade, screenshot it, send it to the group chat , acting like it was my money lol. Hoping maybe I could get lucky again. Maybe pass. Maybe feel like I did something. But when the loss came (and it always came), everything crumbled. One loss? Panic. Two? I re-entered. Three? I sized up. Four? I chased. Account blown. Again. I burned my hand on the stove so many times and it still stings. For the past few months, I stepped away from social media. I needed to re-evaluate what I truly want and stop chasing the image of trading. What I found was simple: I don’t want the image. I want mastery. I want peace. I want to be consistent. Since then, Alhamdulillah, real progress has been made in both my mindset and my results. I'm no longer trading for screenshots or group chat validation. I'm trading for me. For the life I dream of. I'm far from perfect and still a humble student of the markets. But I’ve been coming out of my hyperbolic chamber. This is just the beginning. And if you’re in the loop I was stuck in, I see you g. You're not alone. It doesn’t end with blowing accounts. It ends when you decide to change. Submit to the process. More to come. Stay tuned.
