Stupid tweet? Beep!

@fesshole She puts the spread in Spreadsheets.

I keep a meticulous spreadsheet of every guy I've ever shagged, with a list of acts we performed, a rating and a little note. Highlights include "He was very well hung which made up for the fact he was unusually enthusiastic about Pokemon." I'm up to number 52.

@connerburks Leabrook's finest.

it’s 5 o’clock somewhere (here) (it’s AM) 🇦🇺

@MikeBobich Just telli him you did it out of spite, and you're going to sell to the first person who offers you $400

Told dude on fb marketplace i’m not taking $500 for my irons when they were listed for $600 because he was negotiating like a moron and pissed me off. I updated the price to $500 and he messages me 5 minutes later “well well well” 😭 I wanna hate him because he’s an idiot but it’s so funny

@__karl__ @fesshole So many lemmings

@StoopidDetector @fesshole

I like raw beef and suspect it is the taste of blood I like. Habit picked up from childhood. Never told the wife of 30 years so a guzzle of diced beef after work picked up from the local Tescos is my secret fix. Bacon is nice too, especially the fat. Pork and chicken, best not.

@__karl__ @fesshole Just sit down and take the L lil guy. 👍

@StoopidDetector @fesshole So are lots of other pork products you muppet. The fess didn't say "no pork, except for cured pork products" did it? It said "I eat bacon, but not pork".

@TheBackPocketAU I see someone has discovered prescription gummies and has decided to double drop those 20mg bad boys straight outta the gate. Nice!

Blow it up concept: 20th team comes in at the same time as Tassie. All clubs nominate five players they get to keep, every other player is delisted and enters a national draft. In the first 4 rounds Tas and Team20 get 2 picks each, then one each round. Based on 5 year average.

@__karl__ @fesshole It's cured though, dipshit.

@fesshole Where do you think bacon comes from?

@F0ODHub The wing.

Remove one thing from this plate..

@CannaCollectz White Noise

Name this strain and get to be our seeds and buds permanents tester Good luck Only 5 winners Best names wins

@BestFightPicks Todd Duffy.

Who’s a UFC fighter you thought would go a lot farther than they did? Obviously Brandon Vera, Erick Silva and Brandan Thatch come to mind. But here’s one you probably haven’t heard in a while.. Paulo Thiago 👀

@TElliott125 At worst, we'll think you're a bit of a cheeky dickhead, at best, a sick cunt. Both varietals are loved, not loathed. Get at it, my filthy feathered friend!

Is it offensive to Australians if an American try’s to talk with an Australian accent the entire time he is in Australia? Asking for a friend!

@JesterJum It's a loss leader. Google it for the explanation. 👍

Why does a hot, delicious, and ready-to-eat rotisserie chicken cost less than a cold, raw ass chicken i gotta take home and cook myself? Can someone PLEASE answer that for me cause I just dont get it.

@LJensen41642 @Terri_1987a "Please allow us to take 75% before paying our elders".

@Terri_1987a "Please do not pay elders directly." Management obviously has a lot of respect for the performers. Definitely not a sham and a racket.

This is how much Welcome to Country ceremony's cost.

@agsirr_sirr @au_sport Above average actually, genius.

@au_sport Pretty poor by AFL standards. Take out the 92k and it is pretty average

AFL R7 Crowds Western Bulldogs v Sydney Swans - 29,523 Richmond v Melbourne - 67,364 Hawthorn v Gold Coast Suns - 8,263 Essendon v Collingwood - 92,231 Port Adelaide v Geelong Cats - 41,164 Fremantle v Carlton - 54,100 St Kilda v West Coast Eagles - 29,070 Brisbane Lions v Adelaide Crows - 32,629 GWS Giants v North Melbourne - 12,597 Total: 366,941 Average: 40,771 Season Avg: 39,656 #afl

@MickCockering @Robert_Tinney @EFC_Membership Haha, fucking hell Mick. 🤣

@Robert_Tinney @EFC_Membership Tell ya kid to stop looking at me Cheers, Mick.

I don’t pay $900 a year to have the most obnoxious Collingwood supporter sitting behind me making my 9 year old cry. @EFC_Membership

@grandfader_ You're overthinking it lil bro.... No sunglasses, all glare = squint face/smelling farts reaction. Granted, there's no need to rape choke that bottle to get his flex on though,

Not usually the type to make fun of people but look at this guy 😭

@where2or3gather @lowlandsapien Shot his load.

@lowlandsapien Unhappy ending.

Father was an ex prison guard turned meth trafficker. Used a Grader to do a sort of Killdozer in the Adelaide Hills, shot by cops. Fed all his sons roids since they were young. Went out in the grand Adelaide tradition - seige of a brothel with a sawnoff and suicide

@Tbagrocks32 @thedose__ Because his kicking is shithouse, he's a turnover merchant, who panic kicks. Sorry, that sounds harsh rereading it, but it's true. Reminds me of a few we've had over the years.

@thedose__ Totally accurate. Because you need Rash and Rank also running through. I wonder why they haven't trialled Sid in defence as the half back.

it’ll be interesting with curtin coming back and draped in the wings eventually what they’ll do with the midfield - feel like we can’t carry both peatling and bez together long-term - idk…

@DSBurtenshaw @Adelaide_FC Didn't he clean up Whitnall as well?

Twenty-five years ago today, one of the great @Adelaide_FC wins led by Ricciuto in the wet

@rohan_connolly @cleary_mitch Do you swear to tell the ROOOOOF, the whole ROOOOOF, and nothing but the ROOOOOF.

@cleary_mitch I'm keen to hear the dog's submission.

You just can't make this up. Port Adelaide legal counsel Paul Ehrlich, while teeing off on Jason Johnson's conduct, has had to apologise to the Appeals Board hearing for his dog barking during his submission.