John Stevens

We already had "no taxes on tips" when the world carried foldin' money. It was beautiful.

@Matt_Pinner Captain D

Name a famous captain

@KieraPewPew @WomenBeingAwful Oof

@WomenBeingAwful The colostomy coochie.

Does anyone know what the fourth hole is?

@NostalgicHubb As someone who retired a millionaire in her early 30s from perpetrating that very idea, she seems oddly bothered.

1. Orgasms are added during editing. What you see: She has an orgasm in 30 seconds and moans loudly. In actuality, 95% of the sounds are added after post-production. Actresses wear ear buds so they don't hear their own phoney moans.

P0RN has lied to you for years and you never noticed. The 5 biggest LIES of P0RN. A thread.

Trying to decide which stackable washer/dryer combo fits best with the impending threat of nuclear war.

@tedcruz Well, nether would be qualified. That's the fucking point, @tedcruz

I prefer plumbers to woke & unfunny comedians.

White folks with chopsticks

@PTSportsFix ..but The Express was also on that team, so hard to say...

@PTSportsFix Kevin Brown that year in particular. 21 wins.

Who was the best pitcher on your favorite MLB team when you were 15?

@METAVERZUZ This post is funnier than Kevin Hart.

Who’s funnier? A) Kevin Hart B) Eddie Murphy

Trump: “As President, I do not have to go back to Congress to get approval of Tariffs. It has already been gotten, in many forms, a long time ago! They were also just reaffirmed by the ridiculous and poorly crafted supreme court decision!”

@ThatEricAlper Patchouli mostly

@RichOToole Maybe routinely charging folks $45 for a paper plate of backyard bbq wasn't a good idea long term? More often than not, the customers aren't just hit with the inflated price of the product, they're paying back the proprietor's overextended investment in the restaurant.

Beef is expensive. People are eating at home. Prayers for Texas BBQ. 🙏🏽

@conquertheno Wtf is MOD??

Do you agree with your state's favorite fast food representative?

@td_nash Danny White

Who was the Quarterback of your favorite team when you first started watching them?🧐

@AspersionCaster I didn't make it past Roseanne

Roseanne, Rob Schneider and Gabriel Iglesias on the new Netflix episode of Kill Tony has to be the worst panel in the history of the show. None of them said a single funny thing the entire time. Also, James McCann should be much more famous than he is.

Butt naked on the bathroom floor sounds disgusting, Shaggy.

@RealJamesWoods Dumb ass

The absolute low point in American history. But in my lifetime I have watched this groveling shit stain be hosed to the gutter, and a real President take the reins. Thank God.

@ReallyAmerican1 People don't do this without encouragement from people in power who make them feel like it's ok" Man, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

BREAKING: In a fit of hysterical hypocrisy, Karoline Leavitt screeches that protesters flipped the middle finger at ICE, while only days ago the President infamously flipped one at a citizen. Spare us the false outrage.

PSA: if your mom still pays your car insurance stfu when I ask for your ID you fucking toddler. Always the vertical shit...everytime. 🤦‍♂️