sylibia

People who suck at communicating and enforcing their boundaries/comfort zone are actually terrifying and exhausting to love. The only way to not feel like I may be hurting them is giving up all agency and never actually taking initiative.

@AmolKulshresht0 The big lesson was that no, allowing myself to feel happy and loved doesn't result in me dropping everything I value. It makes me better at pursuing those things. That, and the fact that it's ok to.value things that are meaningful to me without those having planet scale meaning.

@AmolKulshresht0 I ran into a wall badly enough to end up in a mental hospital, which forced me to reassess things, and I met somebody who got me to actually do nice things. Turns out I function better when I'm not starving myseld of joy, food, and connection.

My past self is in this picture and it doesn't like it.

The distance means I'll either need to somehow love them a lot less, or double down hard, which they can't give me the safety of commitment for. Everything else would be torturing myself. There's no satisfying, non committal equilibrium there.

There's not much commitment but a lot of emotional intimacy and enjoyment of proximity, which makes me happy as is. But it relies on convenient availability. If living this is low cost, low commitment is fine. If meeting costs thousands, not so much.

Someone I love very deeply is about to move very far away, and I have no clue how to deal with that. We've found our weird equilibrium of contentness in how we've defined our relationship, but all of that sort of just breaks with distance.

@froglegsreborn @wesyang It's a disaster on both ends.

Spoke with a HS teacher that said the current crop of cool nonbinary teens have turned against hormones and surgeries. "I shouldn't have to change my body to be trans!" In a way, that's good.

@keencoldair @noampomsky That's not necessarily losing your boundaries though. Might as well be having boundaries which cover a lot.

once you realize that most people conflate “niceness” with “lacks boundaries” so many things make sense

@realfrostylady Honestly, revolution against governments that have access to modern tech is kind of terrifying. They are probably not set up to abuse it optimally, but it's difficult to judge what they can do.

@MasterTimBlais Wack. I need to focus to even notice weed, and I'm generally pretty open and relaxed when I do it.

god damn weed is crazy strong i had one lungful today was easily the perception-altering equivalent of like 5 drinks or 180 mg MDMA and so much less in control

@bihari_bnda @kunalb11 Curiosity is a passion.

Curious people are opinionated. Those who try to mimic curious people often end up only mimicking their opinionated part and skip the process of being curious which necessary for having quality in their opinions.

@__drewface I've overdone it before and it messes me up real good, so now I'm ramping back up cautiously.

What is stopping you from being more ambitious? (real question, pls answer below)

@namitoberoy_ If your life sucks, or if your day sucked, going to sleep means accepting that that chunk of your life has been wasted/destroyed. Accepting that is scary, so you just... don't.

@edog137 @eurydicelives That's the blunt version. You can also make an effort to specifically not do that. Create space for them to speak up by inviting them to speak their minds. Make them feel safe saying things you may not like.

@eurydicelives Knowing a person like this and their experiences due to people not factoring this in, definitely unethical. This very easily, and frequently, ends up in rapy territory, and plenty of other exploitation.

@sun_girlxo It's kind of messed up what being called 'pretty' by the right person can do to me ngl.

i can’t believe something so vain — wanting to be seen as beautiful/attractive by someone you love — is so essential to our wellbeing

@noampomsky Awh man...

he’s a 10 but he’s so repressed you’ll never be able to fix him

@AskYatharth I tend to do the inverse. I crave intimate connection and mutual understanding so much I just put my bare soul on the table within an hour. I want to be loved, and to be loved is to be known. Lots of people have their pincers in me :/

there is a form of “asking questions” or “investigating vulnerability” or staring at someone that is deeply predatory

@nickcammarata Man, I suppose I deeply needed, but absolutely hate to read this today. Rude.

It sounds weak because it sounds like inaction, but it's not an easy way out. If it were we'd do it more, because it usually solves the problem. Most of the problem is your reaction to it

Accepting the present moment and letting it go can be shockingly difficult sometimes, often the hardest of all your available actions

@Builtahouse @eurydicelives Ah yes, the glorious struggle to clearly communicate love while making it understood that that doesn't imply an expectation or desire for anything sexual.

@eurydicelives *coughs in c.s. lewis* this is why Love comes in a variety of flavors besides erotic, i.e.: affection, family, friendship, selflessness