Baby Jesus

@greeneking Crywank castle

Don't miss any of the awesome football this week ⚽. Book now at your local Greene King Pub🎄!

@My_Metro Thank you.

@JCautomatic The reception at South Gosforth is now closed. Can you please call 0191 2020747 to make an appointment at our new collection point, Nexus House in Newcastle ^RC

@My_Metro Hi, what time does lost property close at South Gosforth please?

@aitcheyepepewhy Try 39 different characters a day mate. I’m like Wurzel Gummidge that’s run out of heads!

@JCautomatic I get what you mean. I work in a builders merchant now so I've had to reinvent myself as a "bloke" I'm quite enjoying the role to be honest.

Hi @SharonHorgan and @robdelaney I heard Rob on the radio this morning, and it’s really inspired me to get my arse in gear and the script I’ve always wanted to. As a barber I have a zillion characters and the darkest of humour. So thank you.

@keeftoon @SharonHorgan @robdelaney *edit (not better than a psychologist)

@keeftoon @SharonHorgan @robdelaney I will mate. 35 years stood behind a Barber’s chair. (Albeit mine) will serve me well. I can read people better than a psychologist. I can tell the perfidious through the corner of my eye. Even by their walk!

@aitcheyepepewhy Most people are actually “method actors” depending on the situation.

@aitcheyepepewhy That’s the crux of my script. Your expectations of people (especially as a barber) NEVER live up to the people they really are. Most people give you a synopsis in a 20 minute haircut, but not is all as it seems……

@aitcheyepepewhy Aye.

@JCautomatic Was it Desert Island discs?

@Gavoth They were on price match to be fair and the amount of biscuits per gram was better value with the Malted Milks.

@JCautomatic Malted Milks too adventurous. He’s a rich tea fingers man.

Just made myself a “Southgate” for supper.

youtu.be/MXWl1Y4brx0?si… A long lost friend’s son. This is unreal!!!!

Morrisons Ultimate Breakfast review accompanied by a sad piccolo flute.

Probably the best band in the world right now. New single. Think they’ve already won. open.spotify.com/album/4gdlAYu8…

New single!! Usb stick.

@nibbledbyducks Perhaps it was undertaking.

Some dickhead just beeped a HERSE (with coffin inside) I mean seriously. Knob. No words.

@NickMotown Cars (The kids film.)

In the extremely unlikely event you had to pitch up to Mastermind (possibly under the threat of a stapler), with no research whatsoever, what would be the subject you reckon would give you a fighting chance of scoring respectable points? I'm going with The Young Ones (TV show).

@22CaratEwok I will never forgive you.

If only I’d woken @JCautomatic up to come and experience it too 😩

I remember when I went to Glastonbury the first time in 2014. It was alright but after a couple of days of dragging baby wipes across my armpits, balls and arse, I thought I’d try to find a shower. As a little treat to myself