Connor Campbell 🫡

@JoeNBC Nothing highlights Nancy’s competence like the men who are her “peers”

Nancy Pelosi would never go to the House floor with her future up in the air. Never.

@menabus How bad we talking?

Every tweet thread about new covid variants like: 1/10: we're fucked 2/10: we're fucked 3/10: we're fucked

@__apf__ My mother and I were not on speaking terms for weeks when I told her corn was not a vegetable and I requested we eat more vegetables.

An important lesson I learned from colleague who does not like corn is to never tell anyone that you don't like corn because you will spend the next 30 minutes of your life explaining that no, you don't like corn even prepared that way. or that other way

PawPatrol is about dog cops that foil the plans of a queer coded elected official.

@brian_d_vaughn Honey or honey based syrups do wonders. Don’t stop drinking water.

@elibelly Don’t shit on my capsule wardrobe.

clothing stores will be like "shop essentials now!" and the essentials will be a leather corset top with pink sherpa trim, patterned scuba assless chaps and a chia pet bucket hat

@robinw You give it to the person that deserves it

If one person in your party of 4 gets upgraded, do they take it?

@nvpkp I think it depends, now I think it revolves around desire and danger or some crap about how it’s hard to live forever. Do you think vampires are on the decline?

@git_stache makes sense historically, tho the myth has lived on and migrated away from this i think

i get zombies, but why are vampires mythically compelling to us? idgi

Posting this in my group-chat sans context was not quite a grenade, but definitely a cherry bomb

@magdajtaylor I’m so done with the gen z millennial divide, I pray for these predictions.

the in/out list is a time honored womanly tradition that I will always respect

@sari_diplonerd You’ve fallen for our trap, my mom will corner you and start talking about the mayflower

@mhartington I don’t appreciate getting attacked

Devs will do anything but learn CSS.

@sachee @neiltyson @elonmusk He’s gotten plenty of credit over the years. You also need to call the current situation like it is.

@neiltyson @elonmusk we do not by any means "gotta hand it to him"

While casting shade on @elonmusk for what he’s done, is doing, or will do, try to pause & remember that he made electric cars a normal thing in society and he commercialized space — for cargo, satellites, & people. Count him among those who are inventing civilization’s future.

@cybersecmeg Your poor inbox

dear future husband - if you could stop playing and come find me, i’d really appreciate it. i’m exhausted of online dating, and i need a hug. thanks, future wife

@tweetsbyparker We need to get sardinepilled

salmon has to be the most overrated fish

@losiento_bebe Where you going?

@GergelyOrosz Maybe this is completely off base, but what if @realGeorgeHotz is just incompetent 😳

Call me surprised. George Hotz is an experienced software engineer who volunteered to do a 12-week “internship” at Twitter to try and fix things. He seemed motivated and determined to make an impact - but threw in the towel 4 weeks in. Not a good sign for Twitter’s dev team.

@cristinavanko I’m still married.

what are some of your dating wins this year?

@nayeema @CaseyNewton @karaswisher Jesus Christ how small/tall are either of you

Thanks @CaseyNewton for putting life — and @karaswisher’s height — in perspective.