Sam Smith

@daddysdigest @FongPink To safeguard our future, we must act in our present. For the sake of all humankind, do the right thing. daddysdigest.com/article/baby-s…

@mattcoyney @KimKardashian I think we all know who the real winner here is.

@KimKardashian 🤷🏻‍♂️ Just been in Home Bargains and got eight Wagon Wheels.

Meet North’s Freesian horse. We have 14 gorgeous Freesians on the ranch.

@Morrisons Bag for life? Bag for 10 minutes, more like...

Just read the poem The Swimming Pool by Samuel Smith. Best part of my day by far. @HereComesEvery1 @bigcomfybooks

Still holding out for the episode of Waffle the Wonder Dog where the little shit gets severely maimed after running in front of a car and the Brooklyn-Bells have to finish the cunt off with a brick.

Just realised the last word should have said 'growling'.

#WriTweet A second-rate Sherlock Holmes ekes out a career in the unforgiving Norfolk landscape, aided by his very own Dr. Watson, a part-time dentist. He's attempting to solve the disappearance of show dogs from a local dog hotel, and the number of suspects is growing...

One way of disposing of nappies... instagram.com/p/B2SEwoUpHLr/…

Is it just me, or does this sound like a worryingly effective laxative?

@ThePeakyBlinder I can't be the first one to notice this, surely? (Before anyone states the obvious, I realise Polly is their aunt not their mum, but the comparison still stands...)

@MichaelRosenYes youtu.be/6_3P56_9K9c Your move, Rosen...

@mattcoyney Stopped reading after the words, 'I believe'. Fuckwit.

I’ve no idea what to think now?? Do I trust the: NHS, Centre for Disease Control, General Medical Council, the UN, the WHO, the AAP, British Medical Assoc, RCGP, AMA, Royal College of Physicians and the World Medic. Assoc.? Or the guy who played rhythm on ‘Leave Me Breathless’?

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/B1Y_kirJZqg/…

Good times at @blackpoolzoo ... instagram.com/p/B0Uu7ooJURN/…

@TheRealGruffalo My completely and totally honest review of The Gruffalo... youtu.be/9AVqL8neMAo

Interesting set-up in B&M. When you've had a night on the booze, you can take a good long look at yourself in the mirror... instagram.com/p/Bz_fAaEJ2WG/…

@law_ender @adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso I'm sorry that you chose to interpret it in that way.

@HumourDad @adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso It doesn't sound like any recognised mental illness I've ever heard of. I don't know if you're trying to be woke by invoking MH, but actually you're just reducing those of us with genuine MH problems by effectively saying "sounds a bit weird - must be mental".

I looked at the gamer bathwater girl’s 4 million follower Instagram and it’s like I’ve been teleported 80 years into the future and no longer have the slightest grip on the culture

@law_ender @adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso There's got to be something seriously wrong if you're making a conscious decision to buy someone else's used underwear. Exploiting that for financial gain seems to me, in a way, just as fucked up. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that...

@HumourDad @adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso How?

@law_ender @adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso Potentially exploiting people with mental illnesses, all good here.

@adrianbdwalker @andraydomise @jengerson @christapeterso This is a pretty good article on her. The final quote from a clued-up pundit pretty much sums up my view. google.com/amp/s/www.poly…

@BeccCobain youtu.be/lyHSjv9gxlE

My house will be full of extreme liberals for a party tomorrow. What Fourth of July music can I play that will encourage them to leave early?

@thedad Jeff 2: The Jeffening.

If you’re gonna name your son after you, at least make it interesting. Like, instead of Junior, go with something like “Jeff 2: Revenge of the Jeff