Rudy

BREAKING: The new Florida map has passed in the state senate — It now heads to DeSantis' desk to be signed into law!

I wrote this in August of 2020. There are currently zero sub-$20,000 cars in production.

BREAKING: U.S. gas prices climb to an average of $4.23 per gallon, the highest level since 2022.

"Democrats' Royal Bootlicking Bonanza: Bowing to the Crown While Screaming 'No Kings' – A 1776 Sequel No One Asked For"** In the glittering halls of the U.S. Capitol, where the ghosts of powdered wigs and revolutionary fire still linger like the faint smell of tea dumped in Boston Harbor, a miracle occurred on April 28, 2026. King Charles III – yes, *that* King Charles, the one with the ears that launched a thousand memes and the environmental lectures that could power a wind farm – strolled in to address a joint session of Congress for America's 250th birthday bash. And lo and behold, the very Democrats who spent the last few years chanting "No Kings! No Tyrants! Democracy Dies in Monarchical Darkness!" turned into a synchronized standing-ovation flash mob faster than you can say "God Save the Queen (and Pass the Crumpets)." Picture it: Row after row of blue-suited patriots (the ones who once clutched pearls over executive overreach like it was their personal rosary) leaping to their feet. Clapping. Cheering. Perhaps even dabbing a tear from their eye as His Majesty waxed poetic about US-UK "unity," "democratic principles," "checks and balances," and all those lovely transatlantic bromides that sound suspiciously like a polite scold for anyone thinking about going full rogue monarch. The same crowd that sat like statues during certain domestic addresses suddenly found their legs had springs installed. Hypocrisy? Darling, this was performance art. Oscar-worthy. Call it *The Crown Jewels of Cognitive Dissonance*. Senator Ashley Moody, bless her Florida fire, captured the magic in glorious Fox News screenshots: Democrats on their feet, hands a-blur, faces beaming with the unfiltered joy of someone who's just discovered their ancestral fealty to Windsor wasn't *completely* erased by that pesky Declaration of Independence. "Why did I just watch every Democrat in Congress stand and clap for an *actual King*?" she tweeted, dropping the mic emoji equivalent of a revolutionary musket shot. 🤔 Indeed, Senator. Indeed. Meanwhile, the "No Kings" brigade – the ones who treated any strong executive as the second coming of George III (complete with tax stamps and red coats) – suddenly remembered: *This* king is ceremonial! He's just a nice leafy-green ambassador with a scepter and a sustainability podcast! He's not *trying* to rule us, unlike that other guy with the red hat who... checks notes... won an election. The mental gymnastics were Olympic-level: "He's a figurehead!" "It's respect for history!" "He mentioned NATO and climate, so obviously we must genuflect!" One almost expects them to start sewing new "Yankee Doodle Dandy" lyrics: "Stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni... but only if the feather has a royal crest." This wasn't just applause. This was a full-on royalist revival meet-cute. The party of "Tear Down the Statues and Question All Authority" suddenly discovered the exquisite pleasure of deferring to a man whose family once lost the colonies in a rather embarrassing divorce. Imagine the founding fathers watching from the afterlife: Jefferson facepalming, Adams yelling "Treason!", Franklin just laughing and asking for more lightning rods because clearly the irony storm was incoming. In the end, it's peak 2026 satire: Democrats standing taller for the literal King of England than for certain American priorities, all while the "MAGA monarchist" crowd (per their critics) points and cackles. God bless America – land of the free, home of the selectively hypocritical. Long live the... selective outrage? Pass the popcorn and the smelling salts for the next "No Kings" rally. 🇺🇸👑😂

Kimmel should obviously be fired.

This is how electric cars vs gasoline cars look under thermal imaging.