OrangeInTheBuff

@KatAUversion They also have the BEST fried chicken. You can thank me later

I didn’t realize that the crowded Publix parking lot was the best place to have sex but according to the couple who had parked next to my car, it is

@thrluv Like a Boss

when guys pee do they hold it like a joint or a cigarette

@localdrain The bulge in my pants mthrfckr

what's the male equivalent of cleavage

@rikmaxedon @Blutman27 Duke boosters slap. They dont punch

@Blutman27 He should get punched by a Duke booster.

Hearing that Jon Scheyer just got punched on the floor by a UConn student, brutal.

@RealRobReinhart @GoodmanHoops If you ask me, which you didn’t, you’re BOTH slapdicks

Real professional here by Jeff Goodman. Calls me a “slapdick” and the blocks me so I can’t respond and bury him. What a weakling! @goodmanhoops

@LouStagner Working on next years Champions Dinner menu.

What would you do? One of my golf buddies asked this question to the group today: You just won The Masters by one shot. You are packing up late on Sunday night after all the interviews and you realize there are 15 clubs in your bag. What are you doing?

@saniyafatma1278 Are you familiar with the story about a lady who had a pet chimpanzee and it ate her face?

I found this poor guy eating a dead deer on the side of the road while driving back from Menard's today. He did not have a collar on and was a little aggressive but I finally got him in my car. He is calm now. If this is your dog please let me know!

@Giants_muse Lets just get to James Hudson and quit messing around

🚨 Giants grid: Day 1 Who is a great player that is loved by the fans? Most liked reply wins👇

@LacyHimself Start the day before

i have a flight from houston to miami at 6am. I got to the airport at 1am, 5 hours early. TSA didn’t start checking bags and security until 3am. I just checked my bags in and it’s a 6 hour wait to get through security. How is it even possible to make a flight?

@RealRobReinhart Where are you??

I asked over 350 college basketball coaches and players to rank journalists based on lack of credibility and poor reputation. Here are the results: 1. Jeff Goodman 2. Rob Dauster 3. Adam Zagoria 4. Zach Braziller 5. Seth Davis 6. Matt Norlander 7. Jeff Borzello 8. Jon Rothstein 9. Joe Tipton 10. Andy Katz 11. Joe Lunardi

@MurrayHillGuy1 Welp, me being intoxicated makes you better looking. That’s a win

Alcohol literally makes you ugly… I drank alcohol last night for the first time in a month and now I am fat, inflamed and ugly I felt ugly too btw Alcohol should be illegal

@ThrillaRilla369 Get a job

White people… when did you realize you had white privilege 👀🤔 😂

@Amelia558rs Car wash towels

I finally convinced my husband to get rid of his old towels (some of them are at least 15 years old) and bought a couple new ones. What do I do with these ? I don’t think Goodwill will take them.

@Lana_peachberry Huge fake tits that I can rest a tv tray on

Would you rather have "fake and big" or "small and real"? I’m curious.

@TheLJ_Scott You are a spelunker

@buff_orange If you don’t explore the caves then you’re not a real man

Anyone know the reason behind anytime I drink, I wake up at the ass crack of dawn?

@mikealfred I want my family bro

Imagine you had to choose your life at age 40: Option A: Single. No kids. $50M net worth. 850 credit score. Private jet. Option B: Married. 2 kids. $3M net worth. Drive a Toyota. 10 BTC in cold storage. 500 credit score. Fly Southwest. Be honest, which life are you choosing?

@NUCLRGOLF Fn pipe one right down the middle. Then smoke a 3 wood to 6’ and cup the putt for a bird!!

🚨💰👮‍♂️ #DISCUSSION: — You have a four shot lead standing on 18 tee and need a triple bogey or better to win The Masters. Win and you get $4 Million. Fail, and you go to prison for a year. Would you do it?

@its_The_Dr Hell yeah baby!

@SexKitten99999 Polish the hood

We need a proper word for women getting head like men have blowjob. Cunnilingus sounds like a fucking dinosaur species no one is saying that shit out loud. What are we calling it