Timothy Jones

@Artemisfornow At age ten, I was invited on stage with others by Jimmy Hanley at the Golders Green Hippodrome during a pantomime to take part in a quiz. I am, therefore, an international star of stage and screen.

LABOUR - Are we calling this Misinformation? Or Disinformation? Rachel Reeves now busted for making up parts of her CV Add that to: ▪️Had her official credit card suspended over inappropriate spending 2015 ▪️Plagiarised other people’s work over 20 times in her book 2023 ▪️Failed to declare cash donations she used clothes!

@fesshole Wait until you discover Stinking Bishop.

I had a favourite cheese called Celtic Promise until my wife told me it tasted of cum. Which is fine, but I just haven't been able to enjoy it in the same way since. Favourite cheese is now Montgomery cheddar.

@jim_reed @MichaelRosenYes I contracted it in January, 2020 at a friend's funeral. I'm sure I knew then that it was airborne. I don't know the source, but I was not the only one infected in our circle that day.

@MichaelRosenYes I find it one of the most puzzling things in the whole pandemic tbh. How it took WHO two years to work it out. There was a great Nature article on it in 2022 if you haven’t it. nature.com/articles/d4158…

Prof Colin McKay was chief of medicine at Glasgow Royal Infirmary in 2020. At #covidinquiry today he said his infection control teams were convinced Covid was airborne virus as early as April 2020. WHO and NHS both firmly saying it wasn't airborne at that stage (they were wrong).

@fesshole You were the glue for Michael Fabricant's wig.

I was having an affair with an MP in the previous government, broke it off pretty much immediately when he lost his seat, I really was just attracted to power I guess.

@SBarrettBar Let's see. Local Government schemes own and manage billions in assets. The government's Defined Contribution scheme has been raided already so is in debt to the tune of trillions. Lets merge the two so both are now in debt, part of the liability being paid off to bankers.

Aren't they just nicking people's pensions? 🧐

@fesshole Wife is a woman. She knows nothing about wanks and such. How much do you know about making Yorkshire Puddings?

Slept on sofa the other night cos I was pissed. Next morning my wife came into the living room with a cup of tea for me. I sat up and said thank you. Wank tissue fell on the floor. I picked it up and we both said nothing.

@paulybengali We gays don't do Christmas. We are too busy sewing on sequins ready for the next Eurovision and avoiding all those brutish footy types down the pub.

@dr_negrin @paulybengali Jesus (as in the accepted narrative) was not from Arabia. He was born in Bethlehem which was at the time part of the Roman province of Judea.

@LouHaigh Thank you, Louise. At last, a Transport Minister who thinks that transport is important, and not a get-rich-quick scheme for the already rich.

@anon_opin Income Tax was a temporary measure to pay for the wars agaist Napoleon. We won those wars in 1815, so it should't be long before Income Tax will be abolished.

Income tax should reflect the 'public good' of each job. A banker or claims solicitor might be taxed at 70% (3/10 value), while a teacher or nurse could pay 20% (8/10 value), and a builder 40% (6/10 value). This could realign taxes with societal values.

@ChiOnwurah As one of your constituents, I support the Bill, welcome the safeguards, and think the objections are overstated. We should be free to choose a dignified end if necessary, without the fear that practitioners or friends may be dragged to court for assisting.

The debate on Assisted Dying raises complex issues of ethics, the right to life, dignity, health, palliative care safeguarding etc. I have not decided my position and welcome the views and experiences of constituents ahead of the vote on the 29th: chi.onwurah.mp@parliament.uk

@vizcomic It used to be New Amsterdam. Where are the ladies of the night?

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz339tw

@StuartHeron4 I live in Newcastle. My smart meter communicates with British Gas by mobile phone technology. The gas meter uses a short range radio link, similar to Bluetooth, to link to the main hub on the electricity meter.

There you have it ! Northumberland ! North of the Humber !

@amir_gul69312 @WarMonitors Ralph Roberts died in 2015.

@WarMonitors what do you expect Sky news is hosted by Comcast which is owned by Ralph j roberts a jewish immigrant who owns many pharmacies and personally, i know what kind of pharmacies those kind own

Sky News, do you have any shame?

@RaggedTP The Duke of Westminster was never liable for Inheritance Tax as he did not inherit anything but an interest in a property company. He receives a wage and other emoluments on which he pays tax. If I don't own a car so don't pay Road Tax, what have I "avoided"?

If you held a ‘Children in Need’ telethon every week for a year and raised £70 Million every week, it would not make up for the £4 Billion in inheritance tax avoided by Hugh Grosvenor, Duke of Westminster.

@alexarmstrong @Nigel_Farage I'm sure the voters of Clacton would welcome their MP laying a wreath at their war memorial. He was not banned from anything.

🚨@Nigel_Farage claims he was BANNED from laying a wreath on behalf of Reform UK at the Cenotaph today. Parliamentary rules state you need to have at least 6 MPs in order to lay a wreath but other parties, such as the DUP (5 MPs) were included in the ceremony. Many see this rule as outdated, particularly as Reform won more votes than the Lib Dem’s and is the 3rd largest party by vote share.

@JHCPAL My grandfather worked at Vickers in Barrow building WWII submarines. He operated the overhead crane.

One of my grandma's cousins was a 1WW submariner. Born Middlesbrough. Based at Barrow. Went to the Baltic. Brave men. He survived. I have a photo of him in uniform. It's why I started my family tree research.

@OldBill504 All I can see is Ford Anglia van.

@RichardM529 @GarethDennis @LouHaigh @RachelReevesMP @AndyBurnhamGM Any thoughts on what locomotive they'll be using? Rtocket power?

@MayorofGM @BeeNetwork It might be a good opprtunity to introduce level boarding. Those feminine high heels are in peril in that photo-op.

🚉 Today Andy welcomed the Chancellor and Transport Secretary to Greater Manchester to discuss the future of rail and road links across the North. Our plans will see lines like the one to Stalybridge integrated into our @BeeNetwork by 2028 - meaning better value travel.