Simon Douglass

@AvantiGas waiting for over 4 months for a date to remove a tank, please can someone either reply to mails or calls or something?

@gamesyouloved > put mouse in sock

Having looked right I see a large house to the east Or a pathway in front > Which way should I go now?

"He throws darts like Arnold Palmer hits a golf ball, Johan Cruyff kicks a football or John Conteh throws a punch." #OnThisDay 1975: Alan Evans, aka the Rhondda Legend, was making decent money for playing darts.

Man Hospitalized After Putting 15 Boiled Eggs Up His Anus iflscience.com/health-and-med…

@FergusCraig @LittleBrownUK @BooksSphere Whoa there, “A pastiche of UK police procedural crime fiction”?, I thought it was a vlog.

There is going to be a Detective Roger LeCarre book. It's called Once Upon A Crime and @LittleBrownUK and @BooksSphere are publishing it. Weird. littlebrown.co.uk/uncategorized/…

@FergusCraig Can I just clarify please? Is your proposal to be filming the shitting or will you be providing the shitting, like a stunt shitter?

This is how I'm going to save Hollywood. I'm going to gather all the heads of the major studios and say "Your films need 20% more shitting. Give me $500m and I'll make it happen"

I feel like for the amount of coffee people drink in films, they really don't shit enough. Films should be at least 20% shitting.

@jeremylion Given Jeremy’s new instructions, I will now only respond to being called- Fart, cock, eagle, sick, zigzag. Thanks for your understanding.

Good morning lockdown learners! Today we're off to an ancient land to learn some facts about the Egyptinas....

Is Trump allowed to bring games in tomorrow?

Important Announcement!

#britishgas 80 year old mum left without hot water and heating for 11 days now, numerous failed appointments and repairs. British Gas happy to take our money month after month but abrogate their responsibilities when things get tough. Appalling service. @BritishGas

Do all 3 of these people have a timeshare on the same hair.

Best account on the Twitter.

Office for Product Safety and Standards : Review firework rules to protect animals from injury and distress - Sign the Petition! chng.it/D4gfgHb9 via @UKChange

It's incredibly childish but I found this enormously enjoyable to make and that's the important thing. #pmqs

Yes. youtu.be/yeZ_hEsX3bA