Brooks Grainger

@ick_real Laverne

I'm looking for a ridiculously old-fashioned girl's name for our new born . Think great-grandma name. Very old and rare. Any suggestions asap pls?

@ronsterd89 Yes it’s rude. Either don’t go or leave the kids at home. It would be like if you were invited plus 1 and you brought 4 ppl with you.

Is it rude to bring kids to a “no kid” wedding if u can’t find a babysitter? 🤔

@BillW22441 @BellaBaddie__ Always respond with a your mom joke. Always.

@BellaBaddie__ Funny, your mom told me the exact same thing.

Your ex gf texted you saying "I'm dating someone better than you" Reply as a nonchalant guy

@TourSwingsTommy Curling, dressage to name two others. Equestrian sports are the only ones where men and women compete on equal footing.

Golf is the only sport (to my knowledge) where a 16 year old and a 60 year old can theoretically compete with the best players in the world. Is there any other sport like this?

@Arbutex_ @MercuriusFilius But what if you pick an apple from the oranges box? Could be apples or mixed.

@MercuriusFilius Simple - 3 boxes, we know that they're all incorrectly labeled. So you cannot pick Mixed, you must choose one of Apples or Oranges first to determine the mixed. If you pull Oranges in Oranges bucket, that is your Mixed. Apples = Oranges Bucket and Mixed is Apples

How would you answer this common Goldman Sachs interview question?

@james_xond Absolutely. Could even pop start it if the starter was on the fritz.

Trying to prove a point: Could you jump into a stick-shift car and drive it without a problem right now?

@SheaSerrano None of these people are right. They play a game of dodge ball. Last man standing is 4th place. The others go home with nothing.

question for the golfers: regarding paychecks for finishing positions, if four guys all finish tied for 4th do they all get the same amount?

@SatoshiReece @adocomplete No it’s not. 100,000/2080=48.0769. 480.768x2080=999,997.44. It’s the same either way.

@adocomplete It’s not the same 48 an hour turns into 480 a hour which is 7 mil

You make $100k/year. You’re allowed to add one 0 to exactly one of these: 1. your annual salary 2. your semi-monthly paycheck 3. your hourly pay Which one makes you the most money by the end of the year? Answer in 3 seconds.

@KhalidAlNumi A peanut butter sandwich. From my wife. For $2m.

They give you $2 million. You got 20 minutes to spend it or it's gone. Can't buy cars, planes, yachts, or houses. No gold or diamonds either. What you buying?

@tizzle_nation @Her_Nonymous_D There was a horrible accident and they all ended up….

@Her_Nonymous_D The storey never complete o... What now happened to the people that went??

A couple weeks ago, my daughter told me she was planning to go out with her friends. She mentioned that one of them was already on the way to pick her up. They’re all in that 18–20 age range, right at that stage where they feel grown, independent, and ready to experience life on their own terms, but still young enough that one wrong decision can change everything in a split second. As she was getting ready to leave, I felt that familiar mix of emotions creep in, pride, worry, and that quiet urge to protect her, even though I know I can’t shield her from everything anymore. So I stopped her for a moment and said, “I’m not saying you will, but if your friends end up drinking… please don’t get in the car with anyone who’s been drinking. I mean it. Just don’t do it. Call an Uber, call me or your dad. We will come get you, no questions asked. Just be safe and have fun.” She gave me that look, half listening, half already mentally out the door. A quick “okay” and a nod, like she just wanted to get past the moment and go enjoy her night. And honestly, I didn’t push it. At her age, I know they don’t always want to hear it, and sometimes it feels like anything I say just goes in one ear and out the other. So I let her go… or at least, I let her think she was going. A little while later, my phone buzzed. It was her. She texted me saying…

@mariana057 Is your sister joining us?

What’s something you can say during sex, but also at a family dinner?

@Matt_Pinner Sudden Cardiac Arrest. Ask me how I know.

Name a pain stronger than a toothache (except childbirth)

@Texas_Made67 @whoinvitedjon Mmmm buttercream.

@whoinvitedjon When I had my cake busines I did. You use that to make buttercream.

Butter was on sale for half price at Costco, but it said limit of 50 per customer. Who the hell is buying 50 lbs of butter?!

@whoinvitedjon Small locally owned restaurant

@pennyelizabeths Bottle water and guns.

Why is it the US refuses to switch from freedom units to the metric system for everything except drugs? Why are drugs the one exception?

@mariana057 Whole lot a Rosie Welcome to the Jungle

Songs you DON'T play at a wedding… I’ll start… Unbreak my heart.

@forwardnotback I was in for 16 days at the height of COVID (not with COVID). Not allowed any visitors.

Visiting time in hospital is interesting to observe at times Today’s example involves the 80 year old man who is being visited by his wife For two hours they read the paper (Daily Telegraph) together in silence exchanging the various sections The only conversation was when they

@davepl1968 Lots and lots of schools were showing it live. I was home sick that day and saw it live at home.

99.9% of people who "experienced" the Challenger disaster saw it on replay and now remember it as live. Almost NO ONE was watching. Everyone thinks they were. It's a fascinating collective false memory.

@eezharhh If you have home owners Ins you should have like $10k of med pay. They will pay the medical bill even if you are not at fault. They do this because it avoids lawsuits for way more money.

I invited a friend over, and right away my dog started acting off. Barking nonstop, pacing, locked in on her no matter how much I tried to calm it down. Then out of nowhere, my dog lunged and bit her arm, and everything escalated fast. It caught everyone off guard, especially me, because my dog’s always been around people and has never acted like that before. Now she’s talking about going to urgent care and wants me to cover the cost. I told her I’m not trying to argue, but I’m not comfortable taking full responsibility without understanding what triggered that kind of reaction. I even went back and checked my security footage and shared it with her so we can both see what actually happened. Right now, I’m just trying to make sense of it and figure out what caused my dog to react like that so it can be handled the right way moving forward.

@JohnScofic @HodlerNunya @DuBoseDefense *HIPAA. At least get the name of the law right.

@HodlerNunya @DuBoseDefense It could be some sort of violation of privacy - very likely. HIPPA violations apply to medical providers. For example, if someone in my hospital takes a peek at a celebrity medical chart, they are gone.

Oh yeah. Forgot to tell ya'll this judge sent the cops out to the home of a juror in the trial he's currently overseeing when the juror called in sick (there were two alternates). He then brought the rest of the jury out and told them the missing juror "didn't feel like coming in today" and he would also have the other jurors arrested if they tried to do the same thing. When the sick juror arrived, the judge questioned him in open court.