Dan Flanders

@Mattel why are you spelling Theatre wrong?

@elonmusk bellend

@elonmusk bellend

@GemmaWildm474a @scssofas This is what they do! Avoid like the plague!

@scssofas sofas ordered, deposit paid and due for delivery mid October … delivery date booked and then cancelled!! no update given since and we are now 4 weeks later, still with no update !!!

@David_Cameron 🐷👀

I’m proud to back our British farmers today. Living in - and having represented - a rural constituency, I know full well that family farmers are the lifeblood of our rural economy, working night and day and through generations to provide the country with food. Labour’s ill-thought-through tax changes will destroy their livelihoods and put British farming at risk. Let’s all show our support for British farmers today. #BackBritishFarming 🚜

Hi @scssofas, remember me?

Day 1 of trying to get suspended from X (FOrmAlLy TwITteR). @elonmusk looks like a melted wellington boot.

If I went to someone's house for a dinner party and they served up turkey dinosaurs, waffles, mini pizzas and beans with sausages in I would be absolutely stoked. Piss off with your beef Bourgogne.

Ngl, it's probably not coming home is it?

Bing on Cbeebies needs to grow up and stop being so wet. Get a grip you pathetic big eyed creepy rabbit child.

This morning my 18 month old thew a tantrum because I wouldn't let her drive.

@skimpybean @fesshole You're trying to trick the boiler...?

@fesshole It definitely heats up faster. Just like sticking the thermostat on 25° to get the living room warm on a chilly evening.

When turning the electric fryer on, I always set the temperature on the maximum setting instead of what temperature I need so it heats up quicker I.E 240 instead of 180, even though I know it makes no difference. I've been a chef for 20 years

Can see my breathe this morning. It's June. SO SICK OF THIS

Mummy and Daddy pig are so irresponsible getting Doctor Brown Bear out to see George for a common cold. Bloody drain on the NHS they are.

@PaulFre36300327 @Tesco My heart bleeds for you babe #StopThisMadness #ThinkOfTheChildren

@Tesco I'd like to thank you for ruining Christmas for us. We bought a Turkey Crown off you to feed 11. Imagine how we felt when we found the crop and wings still on it as part of the weight. Disgusting

A child with a chest infection on a weekend. Do you A: Ring 111 and wait 5+ hours for a doctor to call you back? Or B: Go to the 'urgent care centre' for something that clearly isn't urgent (yet) and wait 5+ hours to be seen there? The NHS is broken beyond repair.

@elonmusk is a bell end

Just found myself saying 'boss bitch slaaaaay!!' and I'm honestly not even mad with myself.

IN THE UK IT'S A DRIVING LICENCE NOT A DRIVER'S LICENCE. STOP THIS MADNESS