Stephen Burke

Teaching my daughter about payroll withholding She did chores all week so I owe her $10 I hand her $7 > this isn't $10 "right, I withheld the rest" > what does that mean "I kept $3 of your money" > but it's my money "It was your money" > what are you even doing with it? "Funding household infrastructure" > what "The roof over your head. The hallway you walk through to get to the bathroom. The door locks that keep strangers out" > you're charging me for the hallway "I'm charging you for access to the hallway. The hallway itself was a capital expenditure" > you're my dad. you're supposed to--- "I'm also your government" > what if I don't want to pay for the hallway "Then I can't guarantee the hallway" > it's a hallway. It's already there "For now" She asks what else the $3 covers "Meals, dispute resolution, nightlight maintenance" > dispute resolution? "When your brother takes your toys and I make him give them back. That's taxpayer funded" > that's just parenting "That's the Department of Justice" > what about meals. You already feed me "That's a social program. Not everyone qualifies" > I'm your daughter "Which is why you're currently enrolled" She wants to see where the money goes I tell her that would require a FOIA request > what's that "A form asking me to show you what I do with your money. Processing time is 6 to 8 weeks" > 6 weeks to see where my $3 went? "Could be longer. We're understaffed" > there's two of you She asks how she gets any of it back "It's already spent" > you spent my money already? "We had a budget shortfall" > you just took it 20 seconds ago "And the deficit existed 30 seconds ago. The timing worked out" > so I'm not getting it back "I didn't say that. You might qualify for a refund" > of my own money "Correct. You just have to fill out a form telling me how much you made" > you know how much I made. You paid me "Right but I need you to tell me how much I paid you" > so you already know the answer "The point is compliance" She asks what happens if she gets the number wrong "Penalty" > from the money I don't have because you already spent it? "We could set up a payment plan" > I'm 8 "Monthly installments. Very manageable" > you're going to penalize me for getting wrong a number you already know and then make me pay you back with money you took from me "Now you're getting it" > I want to talk to mom "Mom's not a qualified representative. She can't help you here" She stormed off to her room saying how this is extortion Slammed the door That's my little citizen I've never been more proud