Dan Davies

@thejackhopkins Why does he need a ballroom when he doesn’t have any balls?

Government just blocked a $400M ballroom at the White House. Judge tells Trump: ‘You’re a steward, not the owner.’ Lesson? Know WHO holds the deed.

@fesshole A fair few times, Anon Opin too.

This again. Reply if we've published YOUR fess. You don't have to out yourself with exactly which fess, unless you really want to.

@fesshole Good for you!

In my early 20s I was occasionally shagging my Mum's mate who was then early 40s. Forty years on they're both in the same nursing home. The weekly visits are now the most excruciatingly toe-curling hours of my life.

@fesshole Wasn’t all the bad press about MSG a load of old bullshit, like MMR vaccines causing autism?

I'm Italian and my husband's not, and for years his gnocchi got more praise from dinner guests than mine. It made me feel inferior. Today I learned he's been secretly adding MSG to his gnocchi dough, like he's in a food competition, to undermine me.

@anon_opin Everybody’s got their own phonemes nowadays, but in my day you had to use the phoneme box outside the chippy…

What are we teaching kids? More to the point, what the fuck is a Phoneme? Thirty-nine years old and don't understand my 8 year olds homework. If I was 39 before I heard the word "phoneme" why does he need to know about them?

@fesshole A joke: A Welsh farmer in his field sees a man drinking at a stream. He shouts “Mae'r nant honno'n llawn os yw defaid yn cachu!” The man shouts in an English accent “What you on about you idiot? Stop talking shite!” The farmer replies “I said, use both hands, you’ll get more in!’

Welsh speaker here. It's completely untrue to say that the only times we speak Welsh in public are to annoy boorish English visitors. But it is true to say those are the *best* times.

@tawnyowlhillin1 @Redlemon850 @fesshole That’s humorous slang, the use of which has been given legs by people finding it funny. The formal name is ‘meicrodon’. Sorry if this disappoints but please accept ironing board as a substitute: “Bwrdd smwddio” (Anglicised as ‘board smoothio’…)

@Redlemon850 @fesshole Even I know poptyping. And I've never even been to Wales.

@Templarpilled @elonmusk Frank Herbert is the very last person anyone should be seeking to emulate the mindset of…

Frank Herbert speaks of this

@anon_opin Nirvana’s ‘Canola Me’ just doesn’t have the same impact.

It would be a huge relief to most Brits if we changed the name of our biggest oil seed crop to "canola" like the Americans.

@BBCNews The Welsh already thought he was a prick before this BTW….

Nigel Farage criticised for calling Welsh people 'foreign speakers' bbc.in/4bvvA2l

@1518ALJ @anon_opin You need to find out about the journal of Inspector Merer…

Saying aliens built the pyramids is the laziest conspiracy. There's tons of hard evidence it was done by humans, we just can't agree on the actual specifics of how. If you can't grasp that people back then were just as clever and ingenious as us then that's your problem.

@nlyonne Best damn guitarist David Lee Roth ever had!

How’s everyone feeling about ai Val?

@Draconacticus @fesshole Stephen Fry wrote a book called Making History with this, or something very similar, as the central concept.

@fesshole Morning after pill to Hitler's mum

My students' writing topic was "If you could send one modern item back in time to one specific era, what item and era would you pick?". Huge range from "bicycle to China, 500 BCE" to "rabid badger to Boris Johnson's college room, 1984".

@crewedave1 @fesshole You’re right again, rats and mice are notorious for their respect for sealed packaging.

@danhenrees @fesshole Its a sealed package. The only other thing in that bin will be packaging

I root through the bins of local stores. They throw out food past the marked date even if it isn't spoiled. I've cut my food expenditure in half. Why waste money and food?

@crewedave1 @fesshole Oh you’re absolutely right Dave. For example, I wouldn’t eat anything that’s been in a bin….

@danhenrees @fesshole Food doesnt become toxic the second it goes over the useby date. Some people are capable of making sensible calls about their food

@fesshole And the Lord said “@ grok, should I let there be light?”

@ScruffyAndIron @fesshole It’s the Irish airline, right?

@fesshole Admit it, you googled it too...

Girlfriend and I got wasted and spent the night engaging in anilingus with a friend. Swore to each other we'd never mention again. Only problem, neither of us remember who the friend was.

@anon_opin 12 string already mentioned below but… get a 6-string with some p90s. It’s seriously like taking a blanket off your amp.

The minimum number of guitars you need is 4. Solid body with single coils. Solid body with Humbuckers. Semi hollow. Acoustic. Any less and you've got gaps in your collection. There is no maximum number. You could make a case for owning 10 easily.