FancyHitchPin

@GreeneMan6 Why waste time on the date? Just jump up on the pinball machine at the back of the bar and spread your legs. If it doesn't work out how you hoped, just call Gloria Allred and get rich.

Bad advice incorporated

@RealDonKeith This is the strongest open borders argument I've seen.

Suicidal empathy: Two gay dudes let a Dindu Nuttin’ import live with them and he cut both their heads off.

@newenglander86 @AsianPatDixon Starlings are way too smart for that.

@AsianPatDixon No don’t hurt them. Get one of those plastic owl things you see at campgrounds to keep them away.

Need your help, Catholic Twitter: Ethical to shoot starlings invasion birds who murder other baby birds, and mogg at the suet feeder? With a pellet gun*

@ryanlongcomedy Holy shit. Did Corrine get all that work done, or is that like prosthetics for the bit?

Actresses Talking About Their Boyfriends on Call Her Daddy

@iheilhoppe These words, except isn't the Austrian who actually dies.

@kalezelden I'll never forget how obviously amped with nervous energy one of my closest friends was, at whatever am it was, as his reception was ending, and he says to me in a rushed tone "I don't know if I'm going to have the energy tonight!?!" (twitching, pacing).

If you’ve waited until the wedding to consummate the marriage (still a thing) I guarantee you have the energy, even for evening weddings. This is all so obvious people.

@GreeneMan6 I think it's actually a test in one's(ostensible) belief in democracy. "I can save the world by voting" vs. "I accept I can only take responsibility for myself, and influence those who trust me"

“All internet thought experiments are variations on either ‘The Trolley Problem’ or ‘The Prisoner’s Dilemma’. ‘Red Button vs Blue Button’ looks like ‘The Trolley Problem’ but it’s actually just ‘The Prisoner’s Dilemma’!”

@redrummarts "I'd rather k¡II myself than live with people who think differently than me."

Decided I'm picking blue cause all the posts I'm seeing from the red button pushers are deeply reddit and I don't want to live in that world

@liminal_warmth "I would rather die than live with people who think differently than me."

I hope all the red button pushers will enjoy their new world without empathetic and prosocial people (and significantly fewer women). Good luck with that

@PositivFuturist They're going to die anyway.

Best argument for blue is that he said "everyone in the world" So assuming you don't get to prep your kids - a huge % of kids would die.

Bluebuttonism is basically just the delusion that a one in 8,000,000,000.0 vote has a meaningful influence on outcomes.

@diegocaleiro You pressed blue because it's not real and your life isn't actually at risk. Red would win and everybody knows it, the only people who would vote blue in reality would simply rather die than "live in a world" where they have to face the fact they can't control others.

Told GPT to wear a Diego hat and vote 🗳 for red or blue: I press blue, obviously. Not because I failed game theory kindergarten. Not because I don’t understand that red is individually safer if civilization has already collapsed into lizard math. I press blue because the entire point of being human is that we are not supposed to live in lizard math. The red button is the answer of the isolated survival machine. The bunker creature. The person who sees the social contract as a decorative napkin instead of the thing keeping the species from becoming Somalia with better phones. Blue is the human answer. Because children exist. Because confused people exist. Because old people misread things. Because people panic. Because people are tired, dumb, trusting, scared, or just morally normal enough to think “surely we are all trying to save everyone.” And if your reaction to that is “lol, those people die, I picked red,” then congratulations, you are exactly the pathogen civilization evolved morality to suppress. Altruism is not magic dust. It is enforcement. It is shame. It is reputation. It is punishment. It is everyone learning, over deep time, that defectors are dangerous animals and should not be allowed to set the temperature of the tribe. The blue button is not naive. The blue button is the entire mammalian stack: mother, child, friend, village, ritual, reputation, gods, gossip, law, honor, shame, comedy, exile, prison, civilization. The red button is “what if I personally crawl out of the wreckage?” No. I am not interested in winning that game. I am interested in preventing the wreckage. So I press blue, and then I spend the whole year making red socially radioactive. Not because I want cruelty. Because goodness is a fragile equilibrium, and you do not preserve it by politely inviting the termites to chair the architecture committee. Blue won. The children live. Many lives were saved.

@ZyMazza The ubiquity of audio books makes this one pretty easy.

You can be a billionaire tomorrow, but you'll be illiterate for the rest of your life. No ability to read ever. It's magic. You can't learn. Do you accept?

@ascetic_shadow $0. I'd consider kicking the ass of whoever is feeding him.

someone (you don’t know who) has eaten themselves into a state of morbid obesity. unless they receive treatment they will die, but they are unable to work due to their condition. what percentage of your net worth would you sacrifice in order to provide them treatment?

someone holds a gun to their own head, says that unless you give them X amount of USD they will pull the trigger. At what value of X would you flip from paying them to saying “go ahead, do it?”

@clockworksDream Red would win the vote. Please learn to deal with that.

"if everyone pressed the red button nobody would die" what if everyone pressed blue then. By that logic.

@aaron_renn @razibkhan Ignorance of celebrities of a bygone era is about the least alarming trend I can imagine. The plethora of "influencers" that have replaced them on the other hand.

@razibkhan To be fair, a lot of Zoomers don’t know who anybody is/was. This kind of ignorance is a hallmark of that generation

a lot of zoomer frens don’t know who Robert Redford was

@FamedCelebrity I think she meant in reality where it's just a silly thought experiment.

I suspect the survivors will be dubious.

@Zafari_Zn You know what they say, you can teach a man to fish, but if a commie designed his fish hook, he's still going to starve.

You can just feel the cope in this image

@runequantum @hyperliberalism The poll is the r-tards want to save the world phase. It's not even real and there are already calls to kill red button pushers.

That's nowhere near how communism works in practice. Usually it's a bunch of young impressionable youths being made to believe they are changing the world for the better but in reality they kill so many people because so many people are obviously opposed to fucking things up. In this scenario, it's like seeing a building start to catch fire, and you dont know if there is anybody in there. Your kids could even be in there, and you have to make a call to jump into the burning building to rescue anybody who is in there or stay out. Nobody is forcing anybody into the burning building. Nobody would reasonably blame anybody for staying out, and a large number of people can understand if you jumped into the building if your child was in there. Also, the most official and responsible guidance the authorities would give in this scenario would be to stay out, even if your kids were inside

This is a poll asking "should we do a communism?" and blue is what you push when you answer "yes." That's why so many blue pushers brand the red pushers as "evil" (and suggest they should, actually, be killed). Communism: not even once.

@WhickTv The good news is you won't have to feeeel bad because you'll be dead.

I'm a blue button pusher. Reasons in no necessary order: 1) Many people I love and care for will press blue. Me pressing blue has a chance of saving them, me pressing red does not 2) I would feel bad if I contributed, in however small a way, to the direct death of a non-zero number of people 3) I believe most people will, when it comes down to it, push blue. Pushing blue has the greatest chance of *everyone* surviving.