Alyn McFetridge

"I'm looking for volunteers to do a 12,000ft jump from a chopper". "No thanks, I've got a fear of heights". "You'll be tightly strapped to Kelly Brook". "Oh, ok then..." #ImACeleb #KellyBrook #Jungle #Chopper

The only way to stop Louis Bielle-Biarrey would be to make him wear his headguard back-to-front. Frightening finisher. #6Nations #SixNations #Rugby #FravEng #StadedeFrance

Tonight's Masterchef, starring the happiest raspberry ever! #masterchef #bbcmasterchef #raspberry #happy #professionals

@LegacySiu Stirling Albion?

Name a football club without letter "E" You can’t

Fair play to Thames Valley Police for getting Andrew something nice for his birthday. #Andrew #Arrest #ClinkChic

@monstroso Perhaps. The Cathedral Quarter is quite small though.

There will always come a time, at some point during your writing day, when you stop typing, sit back and think to yourself, “is this all rubbish?”

@DougStanhope I'd imagine you're probably not well clued-up on legendary British footballers, but I'm sure you'll approve of his choice of beverage. #Popov #PopovVodka

Meanwhile, during the recipe costing... #apprentice #theapprentice #numberwang

@VictoriaCoren Mark the Shark!

My little daughter: “Wow! Look! A toddler has won TWO World Records for playing snooker!” My husband: “That’s a foul. You’re supposed to keep one foot on the ground at all times.”

Just a shame it wasn't Crab Paste they were looking for tonight. I know someone who could help them out. #apprentice #theapprentice #shrimppaste

@MenInBlazers Full Kit W@nkers.

CONCACAF would've said this was playable 🤪 An astonishing scene in the Turkish 3rd tier, as the referee carries out a pitch inspection despite there being more than a foot of snow on the grass. Eventually, game off 🥶

First episode not ended yet & the 'boshometer' is starting to struggle with its over-usage already. #celebrityapprentice #moredoshlessbosh

@susie_dent @hayfestival In my formative years, I used to often get 'epitome' & 'hyperbole' wrong. Now, I get properly irked when I hear these words being mispronounced on TV.

Thank you to the lovely audience member at @hayfestival who shared that her daughter had once corrected her pronunciation of ‘epiphany’ and told her it should of course be ‘epi-fanny’. Which word have you royally mispronounced because you’d only ever seen it written down?

While this utter shitshow drags on, agood time to ask: Who is the worst support band you ever saw? #WorldCup2026

Where's Julio Geordio when we need him? #FIFA #WorldCup2026 #Draw #WashingtonDC #KennedyCenter #JulioGeordio #LostInTranslation #ThatDaniBehrLike

The Cocky Van makes the Squid Game minibus look quite tame in comparison. #ImACeleb #CockyVan

@susie_dent Son of Stet

We’ve introduced a new Bot in my word game Two Words, and it needs a name! Please reply with your suggestions (Botty McBotface won’t do). For those who don’t know the game, here’s the link: twowords2.page.link/play

In fairness, Alan Carr has played an absolute blinder. Fair play to him! #Traitors #TheTraitors #AlanCarr

Oh ffs, Nick! #Traitors #TheTraitors

Claudia has gone full-on Dr. Evil this evening. #TheTraitors #frickinlasers #Claudia