Stuff My Brain Thinks..

Dateline victims are always "the nicest, happiest" people. That's why I play it safe by being an absolute nightmare to everyone at all times. #Dateline

@6ixbuzztv Katy Perry & Justin Trudeau have one thing in common. They're both in love with Justin Trudeau!

Katy Perry calls former PM Justin Trudeau “the love of my life”

@willmenaker That guy after he sees himself on the news tonight...

Belly-button protruding, disgusting.

@phlegmatitron @Jevrix9

@Jevrix9 Can't people just to to Reddit to read these lies? Why do you have to repost them on X?

The security guard at a small company had one strict rule: He never opened the gate for anyone without proper ID even if they “looked important.” Employees complained all the time. “He’s too strict.” “He’s slowing things down.” “He doesn’t use common sense.” But he never argued. He just did his job. Every morning, he showed up early. Every night, he locked up late. No shortcuts. One afternoon, a senior executive arrived in a rush and forgot his access card. The guard refused to open the gate. The executive got angry and called the CEO directly. By the time approval came, the executive had missed an important client meeting. The next day, everyone expected the guard to be fired.

@nypost Oh Meghan, how can we miss you if you won't GO AWAY?!

Meghan Markle celebrates 8th anniversary to Prince Harry with never-before-seen wedding photos trib.al/NeiHSN0

@nypost The rules are: "Nobody wants to sleep with a 98 & 99 year old."

‘Boy Meets World’ star William Daniels, 99, and wife Bonnie Bartlett, 96, detail ‘rules’ of their ‘open marriage’ trib.al/osrtGPa

@akafaceUS "I'm always so glad when the rich get richer." - Nobody

@nypost Isn't it weird how someone can seem beautiful in 2018 & now they are really super ugly? The inside becomes the outside eventually.

Meghan Markle pairs $63K diamond necklace with white T-shirt in new As Ever promo pics trib.al/ui6qcDA

@nypost Just hope Sydney Sweeney saves her money. She's not gonna be 28 forever.

‘Euphoria’ faces backlash after Sydney Sweeney’s most X-rated episode yet trib.al/013hYYb

@JozuJoestarr If you watch Godzilla backwards, he sucks up fire, assembles buildings & moonwalks into the ocean.

They got Sydney Sweeney doing Godzilla porn on Euphoria. wrap this shit up man

What’s the one thing from your childhood that today’s kids will never experience?

@beyoncegarden Watching James Charles apology video like... Nice of him to get out of bed for it. #JamesCharles

his apology video😭

@ClownWorld 28. Maybe 32. That's not his age...that's how many seconds I could stand listening to this dude before I stopped the video.

@TMZ I totally thought this guy was ggg...gonna be a dad someday. Lol

'VPR' Star James Kennedy Expecting Baby with New Girlfriend tmz.me/tq0Barg

Twitter is the only place you can see people be like "(insert name here) sucks! Oh, and happy bday to Alice from the Brady Bunch!" #90DayFiance #SundayThoughts

@soymbleu Of all the touching 'never happened' stories, this is the most 'didn't happendest' stories today.

Mi abuela falleció hace dos años. Ella siempre me decía que cuando falleciera, iba a dejarme "una sorpresa". Yo pensaba que era una frase simbólica, algo bonito. Pero no. Cuando fuimos a limpiar su casa, encontramos una caja escondida en el fondo del armario. Dentro había cartas. Muchas. Escritas a mano. Una para cada cumpleaños mío, desde los 20 hasta los 40. En cada una me hablaba como si estuviera viva. Me daba consejos, me contaba cosas de su juventud, me decía que me amaba. La primera carta decía: "Si estás leyendo esto, es porque ya no estoy. Pero recuerda: el amor no se muere. Solo cambia de forma". No he abierto todas. Solo una por año. Y cada vez que lo hago, siento que ella sigue aquí.

@DeonMumple Stay strong! 🙏 #Sunday #Motivation

I am depressed. I'm not a danger to myself or others. I've been depressed for more than 20 years. I know some of the reasons for my depression. It's not chemical. It's situational and spiritual. People want to tell me I have to pick myself up and fix things, but I can't.

@notjasond100 Didn't even take the time to find out if this was for real. Just wanted to bask in the fact that maybe it was.

BREAKING: JASON DERULO FALLS DOWN STAIRS WHILE EVACUATING WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENCE DINNER

@SenFettermanPA John Fetterman. The man who answered the question no one asked.

Gisele and I are safe and back home. We’re incredibly grateful for law enforcement and their quick reaction this evening.

@rawsalerts "Sir, I have Tyler Perry on the phone..."

🚨#BREAKING: Photos just posted by Donald Trump appear to show the suspect identified as Cole Thomas Allen, a 31-year-old teacher from California on the ground surrounded by law enforcement officers at the Washington Hilton following the shooting at the White House Correspondents' Dinner.

@EastEndJoe @Dawn_Nelso As an Aries, I'm wondering why you can't read this faster. Chop, chop.

Taurus here. My answer: because I know I’m the best! What’s yours?