Annette Wilkinson

I will never forgive Morgan Freeman for birthing this shit take

@msmirandasawyer Stanger Than We Can Imagine by John Higgs, read by John Higgs (non-fiction). Excession by Iain M Banks read by Peter Kenny.

Hello Twitter, which audio books have you really enjoyed for the *reading* rather than just the story? (I am put off a lot of audio books because the reading is a bit theatah btw)

Maybe Katie Hopkins can follow up deliberately getting fat doc with deliberately getting ebola to show Africa how easy it is to shake off.

If Katie Hopkins ever caught ebola you'd really have to feel sorry for the ebola

Michael Gove - a pob #coalitionhaircuts

Too many people on this #train

RECREATE a family “Come Dine With Me” by rummaging through your mother’s knicker draw then slagging off her apple crumble. @Ryan_Daddypig

My cat is sad because he often feels like modern technology is ganging up on him, and wants to hide from it.

Hi honey, I'm home!

I find it so deeply depressing, I find that it beggars belief, That the poor knackered nags of Romania, Can be sold in our country as beef.

Cameron's hilarious joke: He's appointed a pro-homeopathy, anti-abortion, anti-NHS Health Minister. bit.ly/O8tBEB (also pro-Murdoch)

I just earned the Town Hopper Bonus at Newton Arms in #MyTown2

At the end of this some upbeat Brazilians will sing and cheer about 2016 unless they were gunned down on the tube. #London2012

#2012OlympicOpeningCeremony this is actually very good

"If cats had wings, I bet they’d still just lay there." (Thank you to @funnyoneliners)

@MmePingu wi washed my iPod recently, amazingly it is ok.

NED 0-0 DEN. If you pointed out to all your mates that this is a Palindrome, you're probably not a die-hard football fan. #Euro2012

I daresay HMQ is looking back fondly to that night Michael Fagan sat on the end of her bed.

We're eating pasta in front of the tv. No need to add parmesan tonight.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing Robbie Williams he was a bit like Frank Sinatra #jubileeconcert