™

Scientists have concluded a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk. The results are staggering.

@nbarrowman I wonder if the advice was "retain big firms, cut the little consultants."

@reynoldsgareth My cat would be so happy if I stayed with him on the couch all day.

@ginnyhogan_ It was so wonderful to learn of all the laws I had yet to break.

@SigmaActivity Yeah, absolutely. Every law school exam I took was open book.

I wanna hear what you think about this

@PhilosophyMttrs Teleport Worried about the side effects of the others.

Which would you choose ?

@3YearLetterman @JustinTrudeau 🇨🇦 sorry 🇨🇦

@JustinTrudeau Barbie is a British toy, so it’s no surprise a British province like Canada is a big fan

We’re team Barbie.

@3YearLetterman One of the few reasons I keep coming back to this website.

Well it’s been a good run on Twitter but there’s been a noticeable change the last several months for me in terms of visibility, and I’m not expecting that to change. But I’ll still be here dropping truth bombs on whatever the hell they plan on calling this thing

@LizerReal Nice, welcome aboard!!! 🇨🇦

Never have I been happier to announce I'm moving to Canada in two and a half weeks 🙌

@MartinPilgrim1 @AnneHatfieldVO I actually have a red dentist shirt. Helps cover up the blood splatters.

I never know what to wear to the dentist. I can't wear my white t-shirt because it'll make my teeth look bad by comparison, but I can't wear my black t-shirt because I stole it from my dentist.

@greg_jenner Can't wait!

@thedad I prefer "hanging out with the short, freeloading roommates."

Happy Father’s Day to everyone except people who call taking of their own children “babysitting”.

@DanielPink Face time is key. It's important for people to see that you're always in the office and dedicated. Nonsense. Performance and being basically pleasant matter. Plus, if you're perceived as working twice as much as others and delivering the same results, 😬. Go home. Have fun.

Each Monday, I pose one question — to ask yourself, discuss with your team, or answer below. Today's question:

@greg_jenner And it arrived! And he loves it!!!

@LizerReal Fantastic! For a bit of added dramatic flair (and maybe plausibility for small children), my mother in law used to claim she could discern lying through a tongue inspection. 🤣 "Ah yes, I can see a hint of green on your tongue which means LIES!"

I said I knew they were lying because I can read their minds when they're lying. And I proceeded to lay out everything I heard in their master plan to stay up past midnight. Their minds were blown. They're now quizzing me on whether I can tell they're lying.

Y’all. My kids are in the bathroom plotting to stay up until midnight and have NO CLUE I can hear EVERY word of their plan to “sneak into the pantry and eat a ton of sugar”🙄 To be continued…

@jamieloftusHELP Done!

my book comes out in 11 days. that's a bit scary! it's called raw dog. it's about hot dogs. what if you pre-ordered it? reading is good for you. i also narrated the audiobook. listening isn't as good for you as reading, but i hear pretty good still. read.macmillan.com/lp/raw-dog-by-…

@ginnyhogan_ "AJ Rimmer", ... solid name. Classic even.

@TheDailyShow @DesiLydic So funny. There have been quite a few amazing temp hosts, but she's been the best yet.

Just a fabulous week with @DesiLydic!