The Irritated Autie⁷ 💙

I always worry that asking for help makes me selfish, because I'm awkward at or incapable of giving back the help I receive, which makes me feel guilty. Reciprocity is important to me, I don't want to take what I can't give back. 😟 But here I am, ready to make friends 👋

I will go now. For anyone who was worried about me, I am less suicidal now. This space gave me cPTSD and I cannot come back to it. I am trying to figure out how to love my neurotype without feeling disgust, rage or heartbroken. 👋🏻 Signing out.

Some requests to my followers though - no verbal abuse to OP - no stalking/dogpiling their profile I don't want to reverse the harm. I just want to warn people about their behaviour and get the word out. Truth as consequence for actions.

I have to log in one final time to out @oomftrustme (twitter.com/intent/user?us…) as an emotionally manipulative abuser who drove a small Autistic account to a suicide attempt. They showed no remorse & have faced no consequences. I am still furious that they got away with it.

Goodbye now. 👋🏻 Thank you for following, interacting, relating, validating, etc.

I'm going to close this account now. Gonna log out, remove it from my phone, and not come back. Over 18 months I've learned some words to describe my experiences but I haven't found the belonging. The best thing for my sanity is to just disappear.

(somewhat rhetorical question) How does one heal from being harmed by other Autistics? How does one heal from being ganged up on, gaslit, violated and thrown away by people you trusted?

It starts with compassion. It starts with kindness. It starts with YOU. Thank you @BTS_twt for speaking up against discrimination and inspiring young people to understand and appreciate difference. #BTSLoveMyself #ENDviolence

Something that's become clear to me is that the marginalisation of ND people extends to medicine. We react differently, sometimes very differently, to e.g. medication, yet there's little to no research on this and prescribers remain largely ignorant

@AutisticSpinstr @KatyElphinstone @MxOolong @Radical__Joy @KieranRose7 I left every Facebook autism group because all the people there were ageists. I saw one older man dogpiled and bullied out of a group due to his age. Young autistics just want to go on about how we are all rich and right wing and simply ignore how we really are.

There's the exhaustion that comes w/ coping w/ trauma responses & intrusive memories all every day. Then there's the exhaustion that comes w/ trying to pretend that you're "FINE" to the rest of the world. Lots of ppl reading this are the kind of "tired" words can't explain.

cPTSD spiral de-fused. Gonna go back to hiatus now. 👋🏻

But it's hard to believe because "Autistic people = good & just!" was the first thing ever wired into my brain; so if someone hurts me I think: I must be imagining it. I must be too sensitive. I must be overreacting. Ironically, all the ways allistics make me question myself.

Autistic twitter can be a terrible place. Something happened a couple of months ago that completely obliterated my mental health, caused two separate suicide crises and I haven't been whole since. I don't know how to cope with this.