(Bad) Ideas for Writers (& Life)

Standup Tragedy with Bone Rivers! WARNING 😂 Bone Rivers pulls no punches dissecting the comedy stylings of Mooie C.K. and Hairy Swinefeld. Made with @HeyGen_Official @pika_labs @LumaLabsAI @hedra_labs @higgsfield_ai @BadIdeasForLife

@MaxComedian @vito2tone Greedy hog.

In the Sikh community, connection isn’t just online, it’s in every greeting, every smile and every kind gesture #maxamini #standupcomedy #comedy #sikh #indian #india

@WalshFreedom Stollen*

He will stop at nothing to try to fuck with and cancel the midterms. Nothing. And when the midterms happen, and when he & his party get obliterated (one of his favorite words), he will never accept the results, he will say the election was “stolen,” and he will stop at nothing to delegitimize the entire election. And when your children ask you why he will do all of this, tell them the truth - because he’s democracy’s enemy and he’s a traitor to this country.

@saudrahman27 You’re dumb.

Yesterday, Trump 🇺🇸 gave Iran a 48-hour ultimatum to open the Strait of Hormuz Moments ago, Iran 🇮🇷 responds: The Strait of Hormuz is open

@zaaaarbi Elmore Leonard’s favorite writer.

One of the best things that can happen to someone who loves movies is when you randomly put on a flick you never even heard about until yesterday without expecting much and it turns out to be incredible. My ★★★★½ review of The Friends of Eddie Coyle boxd.it/dzvcFr

@ick_real If you carry a baseball bat in your car as a potential safety precaution, also carry a glove and ball. This way Cops won’t assume the bat is a weapon.

I’m 23. Give me oddly specific life tips. No general ”surround yourself with positive people” tips. I want the most random, specific advice possible.

@Matt_Pinner 67

So far no one has found the number in the Box What number do you see? Correct answer deserve $650

@EdKrassen @hvo_e_acc Looks more than decimated (which is only 1/10th damaged)

BREAKING: Just hours after Trump told Oil Tankers to enter the Strait of Hormuz, regardless of Iran's threats, an oil tanker is reportedly targeted and decimated by Iran in the Persian Gulf, just past the Strait of Hormuz. Trump's horrific advice may have just gotten people killed.

@ChrisKindaReads Excellent.

1.) The Count Of Monte Cristo 2.) The Brothers Karamazov 3.) Stoner 4.) Lonesome Dove 5.) Crime And Punishment 6.) Rebbeca 7.) Fellowship Of The Ring 8.) The Hobbit

@BellaBaddie__ Ron

I'm pregnant and looking for a baby boy name that ends with "on" Help me out before my husband suggests Dragon again 🙂

@ejdickson @NYMag Epstein is Zelig. He’s f n everywhere.

NEW: Jeffrey Epstein's close friendship with Woody Allen is well-documented. What's less well-known? Epstein spent years trying to influence Woody Allen's casting process, getting his "girls" cast in at least 2 of Allen's movies. My story for @NYMag thecut.com/article/woody-…

@MikeBales Give credit to Steven Wright

I was on a flight when a very confident beautiful woman sat down beside me. Trying to make small talk, I asked whether she was traveling for work or for fun. She smiled and said she was actually speaking at a convention about relationships and intimacy. Her job, she explained, was to challenge common myths. She joked that people often claim Native Americans are the most well-built, Mexicans are the most passionate lovers, and Southern country boys have the greatest stamina. Mid-sentence, she suddenly looked embarrassed and said, “Oh my goodness, here I am talking away and I don’t even know your name.” I grinned and replied, “Name’s Tonto Gonzales… but my friends call me Bubba.”

@Tanimal You made points 1 and 3. Skipped 2. As the universe wanted you to.

I got a DM from a dude who used to be a quiet stoner with a monotone voice Who suddenly began vibrating at such a high volume after reading this That his family thought he was taking uppers

@oggii_0 A lost Woody Allen crime caper* FTFY.

Hollywood would NEVER have the guts to make this but AI just did. While the studios keep rebooting the same safe garbage and whining about “ethics,” AI creators are out here dropping “The Epstein Files” like it’s a lost Scorsese crime epic. Gritty. Unfiltered. No studio notes. No PR babysitting. They said AI would ruin creativity. Instead, it’s doing what Hollywood is too scared to touch.

@DRFLivingston Ted Knight. The time traveller.

Hollywood Park opening day in 1950 Sure, I recognize Mickey Rooney, and of course the Daily Racing Form. But, um, does anyone know who that is next to Mickey? Guessing it's a celebrity I don't know.

@RepJackKimble Dude looks like a lady.

If the allegations against Tulsi Gabbard are as sensitive as they sounds, I certainly don't want to hear them.

@account_blown Where do you do standup? 🥳

The metals market bubble just popped and the majority on here don’t have a clue. See you at $3000 gold and $40 silver. 🫡

I promised that if GOLD hits $5,300 this week, I will give away 1 oz gold bars (~$5,279) to 3 people. So as promised I will be giving away $5,279 to 3 person today. Rules: Like, Retweet, and Comment “Gold” 🔔 I share proof and Grok will pick the winner (must follow and have DMs open).

@Danny_Crypton Gold

@kenashley Or just get old and retire and watch tv.

I've done thousands of business dinners. A few keys to success: 1) Get there early and settle in. I grab a table and place myself in a seat facing the door so I can see my guest(s) walk in. 2) Have your order picked out so you can 100% focus on your guests. Tell the server to add a 20% tip to the bill at the end so you do not have to think twice. Ask them to bring a bill at the end with the total already calculated. 3) You are hosting the meal- be prepared to order apps for the table. If you have multiple guest fill the table. $75 in apps will make even senior execs go gaw gaw and that reflects on you. 4) Divide the meal into 4ths. First (before cocktails) is time to catch up on family or vacation travel - check out their social media in advance for tips on where they have been. Second, after apps arrive ask about their business - good, bad, ugly. Ask penetrating questions and be really interested....this shows. Third, the entree arrives, now it is your turn. Talk about your industry and trends the exec would care about. Do not make the "ask" but be a smart briefer to the exec. Ideally you deliver some "aha" moments that the exec will take back and talk about. I work really hard to make this section relevant and memorable to the exec. Fourth, when the desert/check arrive you are at bat. Quickly make the ask for help or a meeting. "I would sure love to present credentials on . What is the best way to make that happen?" Short, sweet and ask them for advice about how to accomplish the ask. 5) Payment - keep the credit card out of your wallet and in your pants pocket. Hand it to the server at the right time BEFORE the check comes out. Sign the bill as quickly as possible. Minimize the financial transaction but know that everyone loves a free meal. 6) Departure- stand and thank your guest with a firm handshake. Thank them for their time and their friendship. Don't delay. They really want to get home to spouse or family at this point. 7) Valet line - Can be small talk, but I've had people tell me about huge deals or big things they are working on in the line. LISTEN and let them talk. 9) Afterward - When I get in my car, I write or dictate into my iPhone everything I learned. Every detail. I will process the raw into my CRM the next day. Smile as you drive home - you have done something many cannot do - held a master class on how to host an executive at a meal. Onward!

@Rainmaker1973 I spotted a typo. 🤪

This speed reading training starts at 300 words per minute and end at 900 wpm. Can you read them all?