Digital Jørdøn™

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Digital Jørdøn™

Digital Jørdøn™

@BadJordon

I never know where to stand at parties so I don't feel like I'm in the way.

Edmonton, Alberta Katılım Şubat 2015
963 Takip Edilen5.1K Takipçiler
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Digital Jørdøn™
Digital Jørdøn™@BadJordon·
ME [day 1 of new diet]: I can do this ME [day 4 of new diet]:
GIF
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🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸
[Receiving Medal of Honor] "Thank you Mr. President." My Mom from the audience: "He wet the bed til he was 20!"
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🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸
[business meeting at restaurant] "There's more than one way to skin a cat" [Family of cats at next table] *mom cat puts paw on cat dad's arm
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🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸
I asked my dad if he'd like to be buried beside my mom He said to take off the ski-mask, put the gun down and get the hell out of his house
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andrew
andrew@AndrewChamings·
In an alternate universe there is only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with John Travolta.
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☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️@AnOrangeSNES·
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Sigmund Freud asks a patient during a therapy session. He bites his pencil, "Because that's hot."
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Apathetic Activist
Apathetic Activist@coketruck76·
*pool hall Date: You any good? Me: I never hit the right angels. D: Don't you mean angles? M*swinging cue stick wildly at angel tree topper
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🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭
I'm at my most Charlie's Angel, when I'm on a conference call with my boss and shooting at him with finger guns.
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🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭
God: Here's my prototype for a woman. Angel: perfect God: She's missing something. I know! Let's encourage her to paint her face everyday.
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🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭
Angel: People are questioning your existence. What can we do? Jesus: How about a car sticker? A: Okay. Um, thoughts? J: How about a fish?
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stACED
stACED@girl_a_whirl·
"Put your hands in the air!" *Sex cop handcuffs & suctions perp to wall* *S&M cop smacks perp w/ whip* Missionary cop: Assume the position!
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stACED
stACED@girl_a_whirl·
Missed connection: While the preacher was asking for objections, I was over in the refectory stealing the wedding cake. You held the door.
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stACED
stACED@girl_a_whirl·
In solidarity with Shia LaBeouff, I too had sex with a Transformer. The machines were exploring. 2006 was weird - Megan Fox on her deathbed
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🏴‍☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴‍☠️
That awkward moment when you make eye contact with the hotel maid who just handled your jizz rag
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Just J
Just J@junejuly12·
🏆 Under 2k Contest 🏆 It's back! If you have less than 2k followers, link up to 3 tweets here until 7pm CT today. New or old. 40+🏆s!
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