Betty

Hormones: hey what’s up? Me: just reading a book. Hormones: LET’S GET ANGRY. Me: wait no— Hormones: AND CRY.

It's only called glitter if it's from the Glitter region of France. Otherwise it's known as sparkly shit.

She was rare, like a goth surfing.

the new alien movie looks scary af

threw a ghost pepper against the wall and it didn’t go through so somebody lying.

@sofarrsogud I would like to be added to this list as also being a troll.

People named Michael will troll you EVEN on Thanksgiving.

Men will literally blow everything down the street to avoid picking it up: leaves, snow, pride, their marital problems...

@BoomBoomBetty *Denzel Washington relief gif 😂

I feel like now would be a good time for the machines to take over.

Don't be mean to me, I could be a werewolf or a wizard or something

Some days I worry about my seeming inability to cry and what it says about my humanity. But most days I just want to eat tacos.

Giving someone something to cry about isn't an appropriate birthday present. Apparently.