FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

@sofarrsogud

🖊️ Some of my tweets are crafted like a sculpture from a block of wood. Others are pumped out like farts.

Ireland Katılım Şubat 2013
5.9K Takip Edilen21.7K Takipçiler
Sabitlenmiş Tweet
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.
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Marcmywords
Marcmywords@Marcmywords2·
My timeline is just a collection of people you’d never put on speakerphone.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Anthony McHats
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore·
me: [first day as therapist] name something that causes you anxiety patient: being weighed me: it says here your name is frank
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Kip Conlon
Kip Conlon@kipconlon·
Rewards program? Thank you, but I consider the opportunity to dine at Burger King reward enough.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓
The guy about to do my vasectomy looked familiar so I asked him “don’t you work at McDonald’s?” And he said, “yeah, can’t a guy have two jobs?”
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸
Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸@cowboyjeffkent·
Willie Nelson is 93 and releasing his 156th album. I am considering a golf cart to go to the mailbox
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
DaddyJew
DaddyJew@DaddyJew·
[first date] *whispering to self* no whammies, no whammies, no whammies
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Ghostface Kryllah
Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy·
*trying not to be awkward* Them: Nice to meet you Me: FROSTED FLAKES ARE JUST SEXY CORN FLAKES
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud·
Elon's lucky he can bring his son, Saxon, to a restaurant. I can't bring my son, Klaxon, anywhere. He's just too loud.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Social Outcast
Social Outcast@SocialOutcast82·
I don't care if people are happy to see me, I have dogs for that.
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Natalie Would
Natalie Would@_NatalieWould·
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket" Well I just have the one egg
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DaddyJew
DaddyJew@DaddyJew·
kiss me beneath the flickering lights of the 7-Eleven
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
pug unchained 💕🚀
pug unchained 💕🚀@gmeposhpug·
Make each day count, you stupid fool. -me as a life coach
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Wilde Thingy
Wilde Thingy@wildethingy·
Progress is only progress if it makes things better
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq
Bummer T. Vibes, Esq@VibesBummer·
[shaking my head a little so the microplastics floating around in my brain gently settle on my frontal lobe] bet
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
scrumble_eggs 🇵🇸
scrumble_eggs 🇵🇸@scrumble_eggs·
Everybody tells you to take a chill pill but nobody ever offers you one
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Uncle Bob 🍩
Uncle Bob 🍩@UncleBob56·
My wife stormed into the bar last night as the boys and I were downing shots.... "You're coming home now!" she screamed. "No, I'm not," I laughed. She said, "I'm talking to our kids!"
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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweetledi
Marcmywords
Marcmywords@Marcmywords2·
Welcome to Garbage Twitter, we put the F U in FUN.
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