FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF

Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.

@LadyLucksLove I'll never learn 🤦🏼😂

@sofarrsogud Cant. Even. 😂😭

[Watching Aquaman with my new girlfriend] ME: *leans in* there's a lot of Sea G I in this movie Sharon lol HER: Get out.

If McDonald's were to sponsor an indoor sports venue, then they could call it the McArena and the crowd would be all 'Hey McArena (ay)'. Actually this is a terrible idea. Keep scrolling.

If I ever run for office, I won’t bother people with unsolicited text messages. I will however fight for a four day work week.

Im not always very sexy but when i jump in my kids paddling pool and all the water flies out i look amazing.

There is too much love inside of me to commit to one stripper at a club.

Friends say I worry too much. My God, what if they're right??

She blew in on a pair of legs that went on for days, and I’ve got nothing but time. She mewled a tale of infidelity and heartbreak. “Easy doll, save your breath for cooling your soup,” I replied, handing her a steaming-hot bowl of clam chowder. ~ Soup Noir

Of course I know Wario is evil but I always pick him because I’m able to separate the kart from the kartist

If you become enraged by people expressing their poorly informed opinions a free and open society might not be the place for you.

I need someone who charges me, not changes me Wait, not a prostitute Well, maybe

If yoda offered me a drink I’d ask him if he had any mountain try.

I have an Egyptian friend who owns a parking enforcement company called Camel Tow.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua died from diarrhea. They don’t like to talk about that.

I think this is the part where I tell you that we're all in this together and then you punch me.

@IJustDoItForThe Um...it's McAroni

@sofarrsogud I can't wait to try the famous McArena Macaroni.

@rickloganhaha It CANNOT happen 😂

@sofarrsogud I understand McDonalds is sponsoring the new MLS Chicago Fire Stadium in the South Loop. It’s an outdoor stadium, but it would still work.

@DestryBrod @MacDicksonShow Hey...

@sofarrsogud @MacDicksonShow What about a mock arraignment?