Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸

Who's the patron saint of functional alcoholism?

No, I wasn’t smiling at you. I was smiling at your dog.

#wsibcelebratesyou is this how the employees are celebrated? Day 25 on picket line - weather is extreme and so are our emotions. Wsib Employees deserve a fair deal NOW.. This is no joke. If #wsib respect the work we do then now is the time to show. #strike #dougford #oceu #cupe

I'm gonna need to use you guys as references

Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.

"I don't even think Saturn's rings are real. There. I said it." -Pluto, the former planet

You don't have to watch each and every last ripple reach the shore before you throw another rock

Everyone goes through a bad decade or two. It happens.

Pretty sure that 10 minutes after my death my wife will hold a seance to ask me where the TV remote is.

They call it “remote learning” because the chance of your kids actually learning anything is remote.

Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

a remote that automatically locks your car three times but you only have to press the button once

“GIVE ME THE REMOTE.”

well, looks like i've finally reached the "trying to change the channel with a box of junior mints" phase.

mom always warned us not to sit too close to the TV, but we turned out pergectly fime.