Writer's writer
645 posts
Writer's writer
@ChekhovPynchon
Human. Machine Learning Engineer. former Data Scientist. Internal Auditor. Banker. Fraud Analyst. Auditor. Accountant. Basically, I'm a jack of all trades...
United States Katılım Kasım 2025
62 Takip Edilen22 Takipçiler
Ronaldo's biggest loss in footballing terms really is the death of Diogo Jota.
If he was in the team, much of all this nonsense wouldn't happen.
English
Sometimes two accounts are linked to one card and both are active. Sometimes, they ask because only the customer knows which of the two active accounts is funded at that time. An account can be active but empty at the time of purchase, but maybe we can expect a time when the machine simply charges whatever account is funded
English
@bigbrutha_ It has. Na the people wey dey ask no update. If you pick default, it simply picks the active account on the card.
English
I swear technology should have gone past needing to ask “current or savings” by now
English
Stupid take. Almost as stupid as the post you replied to. You’re confusing individual profitability with institutional loyalty and brand equity. That’s exactly how daft people think.
A retail customer is not “valued” because the CEO personally cries when they leave. They’re valued because of scale, aggregation, and ecosystem stickiness. One account doesn’t move the needle, but millions of “insignificant” accounts are literally the balance sheet.
And the idea that they won't miss him is not even the point you think it is. Banks don’t operate on emotional absence. They operate on retention metrics, cost of acquisition, and churn. If you leave, they don’t mourn you. They adjust models. We all know that.
But pretending that means you can treat non HNI customers badly because they won’t matter individually is just shallow thinking. That’s how institutions slowly rot.
Also, I’m a banker so I know you’re lying about them being unbothered about customers leaving. Being inside the system doesn’t automatically upgrade your argument. It just means you should know better.
English
@jayhemz As a former banker post just made me laugh, when you're not a HNI with deep ties to the organization I'm talking stocks and shares or financing mega facility nobody actually. As far as sey I done hit my target I go close that your account with exuberance
English
No bank will miss the average retail customer even if you have 100s of millions.
Highest your account officer will not be able to meet their targets.
You people should not whine yourselves biko.
Kagan@KaganTech
When I told GTBank I was leaving their bank for good they thought I was bluffing. “You’ve been with us too many years”… You go send we miss you Taya. Joke of a bank.
English
Do customers only deserve to be valued if they have hundreds of millions?
Johnmark Obiefuna@jayhemz
No bank will miss the average retail customer even if you have 100s of millions. Highest your account officer will not be able to meet their targets. You people should not whine yourselves biko.
English
How do you want your tissue box delivered? You may need it again at 2 a.m., when Mahrez and Zidane Jr. are done barbecuing your GOAT. 😂
JayB@jibreelKhalil
I hate players like Mbappe, he will ghost all game and then step to score from nowhere and move home with the credit. Like Christiano like Mbappe. Get involved in all the nitty-gritties, at least. Messi and Lamine Yamal will forever be my goats.
English
“Wishes” is not appropriate for this context. Fix up!!!
MS Ingawa@MSIngawa
Innalillahi Wa’inna Ilaihi Raji’un Katsina State Government wishes to announce the tragic passing of Major General Rabe Abubakar (rtd) in bandits captivity.
English
Soda isn't an issue. Your English is. You call a sugary coke as soda. We don't. For us soda is unsweetened carbonated water. See what we are getting at?
Stop using your shitty morphed English everywhere. It's just stupid beyond redemption.
PS - we have stopped general coke and switched to coke zero. Like a decade ago.
English
@Rxbremen @Yantumakii If you have proof that someone had a loss and the bank still behaved like an interest bank, spill it. Otherwise, enough with this Jibber jabber
English
@Yantumakii Please indulge me, because the convenient answer people are giving me is that when things go bad, the loss is shared between the bank and the borrower.
But their financial statements does not reveal anything like a bank that takes loss at all.
English
@MrbenjaaminX I wish you talk all this trash when city dey dominate the EPL 😂, now Arsenal don win una don dey bring up silly agenda’s 😂 😂… una go heal , but first win 5 games first.
English
I keep telling people that a lot of you still don’t understand what “big club” actually means. Success comes and goes, trophies come and go, but size is something completely different.
When Manchester United start winning the league again, that’s when you’ll truly see what global support, attention and noise look like. The whole football world will be forced to pay attention. The motion will be on a different level entirely.
Some clubs are successful, some clubs are great, but very few are genuinely massive. That’s why even after years without a league title, Manchester United still dominates conversations everywhere.
No disrespect, but even Real Madrid no big reach Manchester United when it comes to global attention and moving the football world. When United rise again, una go finally understand the difference between successful and BIG. 😂
Premier League@premierleague
The best match from the 2025/26 season, as voted by YOU 🫵 🔴@Arsenal 2-3 @ManUtd ⚫️ preml.ge/tdxmtrwr
English
@MrbenjaaminX This is how we Arsenal fans use to fool around those years.
Thank God for our lives now!
English
@G46393681 @TobiTheRunner It can be taught and improved upon to some extent
English
@TobiTheRunner A long range pass is not something that can be taught. You either have it or you don't. Using myself as an example, from secondary school, i could drop an accurately weighted pass - the type pirlo could give. My friends asked how i did it, and I just couldn't explain how.
English
You attend the training session of many Nigerian coaches- and most of what they do is run. They are always running.
Ogenyi Onazi came to an academy session one time, stood about 30 metres away from the players, and asked them to aim a pass at his chest.
Not 1 player. 5 tries.
English
I wish the FRSC conducted IQ and psychometric tests before issuing driver's licences, especially for okada riders in Abuja, because some of the decisions you see on the road make you question whether self-preservation is a universal instinct. I'm tired.
English
@ejykmykel1 @mistujohnson Despite his Papa's mentorship you still remain foolish. Which means your foolish cannot be cured
English
An IGBO man walks into a bank in LAGOS and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to DUBAI on business for four weeks and needs to borrow N5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the IGBO man hands over the keys to a brand new Mercedes Benz S class 500 parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the log book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the IGBO man for using
a N30 Million Mercedes Benz as collateral against a N5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Mercedes Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Four weeks later, the IGBO man returns, repays the N5,000 and the interest, which comes to N150.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow N5,000.
The IGBO man replies: Where else in
LAGOS can I park my car for four weeks for only N150.41 and expect it to be there when I return.
English
The female staff member might be doing something wrong, no doubt about that, but putting her personal account on blast for thousands of strangers to see feels more like public punishment than genuine concern for the business. Next time, try walking up to the counter, asking for the branch manager, and watching how quickly that account gets shut down without dragging a low level worker for clout.
English
@CEO_LEVEL_NG This service is not as expensive as you think, and he isn't using it everywhere he goes.
English
Hypothetically speaking, am I the only one intrigued by the extraordinary extent of this individual's wealth? While his influence and popularity are undeniably substantial, they still seem insufficient to comprehensively account for the magnitude of his financial success. Nevertheless, this is merely a speculative observation and a matter of personal curiosity.
🐺@abbakarrrh
Sarkin mota ya dena bin hanya Shima 😂😂😂 make them no pick am 😭😀
English
ICAN has just reached an agreement with IIA. IIA Global admitted ICAN to CIA Challenge Exam Pathway.Under the new arrangement, eligible ICAN members will now have access to the CIA Challenge Exam, an accelerated pathway designed for qualified accounting professionals seeking to obtain the globally recognised CIA designation.
What this means:
Before you write 3 separate exams with more study time, multiple registrations and exam sittings..
Now
ICAN Challenge Route
1 exam only
150 multiple-choice questions
180 minutes
Same CIA designation after passing The Institute of Internal Auditors
Eligibility
You generally need:
Active ICAN membership
Good standing with ICAN
Required documentation during application
ICAN Success With Akin Obilana@AObilana
Have you heard? ICAN pathway to CIA What is the CIA? CIA = Certified Internal Auditor
English
I love Brighton and I love Yohanna Zadok but I don’t think this is the best move for him right now. I wish he went to Germany, maybe Dortmund or RB Leipzig.
He’d have gotten more game time for his development in anywhere outside of the EPL.
While he’s a great talent, he’s still very raw, he has a lot of growing up to do, things are lacking in his game and he needs time to brush those edges. The EPL doesn’t have the patience for that.
They’d probably make him play u21 and U18 games, but he has outgrown that level, however not ready for 20-230 first team games at BHA. He needs more than 3-4 Cup games.
It reminds me of Chrisantus Uche to Crystal Palace. He jumped his development ladder when he left Getafe for the London club. And we all saw how it turned out.
But I will still root for Zadok, regardless and hope that he makes me swallow my words.
Florian Plettenberg@Plettigoal
🚨💥 BREAKING | Zadok Yohanna to Brighton - DONE DEAL ✔️ Full agreement reached. €28m fixed fee plus €2m in add-ons. Contract until 2031. All done and sealed. Verbal agreement was already reached as excl. revealed. The 18 y/o talented winger has chosen Brighton despite interest from several other top clubs. Announcement expected soon. @SkySportDE 🇳🇬
English
@AObilana When the time is right he'll make the move and if he never makes that move, then it wasn't meant to be.
English
I know someone who has made enquiry in the last three diet when the ICAN results are released and promises to pay for class but never shows.
When the result of the ICAN May 2026 diet will be released, I am sure the person will reach out again.
Bro, I am waiting for you.
This time around, if you price, you must pay o.
😆
English